0423blog

Onward and Upward

We’ve dealt with some pretty heady subjects in recent days, from COVID- 19 to Derek Chauvin to climate change and now for something light, let’s look at the positive plans that Republicans have for the nation.

One thing about Republicans is that they are a totally forward-looking, optimistic lot that wants only the best for America, that is if you’re living in a parallel but opposite universe that doesn’t really exist.

In our universe, Republicans make Verlaine and Rimbaud look like outright rosy optimists and here is what most Republicans want, though I admit, not all Republicans, as I have heard there are two in Rhode Island who don’t want all of this but maybe they’re lying: They want bi-partisan cooperation as long as they get their way; they want Biden to fail miserably as the nation falls into a deep recession; they want the border with Mexico to overflow and flood the U.S. with COVID-19 infected immigrant rapists; they want any efforts at climate control to collapse so that the coal and oil industries can prosper and grow along with political donations to the right Republicans; they want a special congressional commission to study not only the right wingers who stormed the capitol at Trump’s urgings but also how the left caused it to happen, while they want the right to subpoena witnesses, including Hillary Clinton, who was indirectly the real cause for the insurrection; they want to see riots in the cities so they can clamp down on anyone protesting anything; they want to further restrict voting so as to re-establish Jim Crow in the south and anywhere else possible; they want to defeat any efforts at gun control while instilling fear in as many as possible so that they go out and buy any kind of guns they want because this is guaranteed under the 2nd Amendment; they want to fight “defund the police” as they distort the real message which is a call to retrain and reorganize police departments so that people of color are not singled out for death; they want to totally restrict immigration so that whites will retain their dominance in America; they want to bar all abortions, even if the life of the woman is in jeopardy because everyone knows that a zygote is a living, breathing creature; they want to overturn Obama Care and replace it with, nothing; they want further tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans and they want to provide cake for the rest of us; they want no punishment for anyone who drives a car over protesters and the harshest measures for anyone who protests or who yells bad words at police; they still want to lock up Hillary Clinton; they want the Lord’s Prayer and the pledge of allegiance recited in every school in the land, not necessarily in that order; they want to talk rudely and with great threat to every transgender person and if necessary, isolate and ridicule them so they stay out of the wrong bathrooms; they want to fight socialism with every fabric of their souls, even if they don’t know what socialism looks like; they want a military budget that makes every nation in the world jealous and then they want to try out the military on Iran; they want to burn every windmill and every solar panel and allow GM to make cars that get 1 mile per gallon, maximum; they want no more giveaways, an end to that phony, liberal safety net; they want to build bigger and better and meaner prisons; they want to block the evil Democrats from raising the national debt to obscene levels even though Trump raised the debt to obscene levels; they want to clamp down, cement hard on foreign and left wing terrorists but not so much on domestic right wing, white-skinned, Christian terrorists who have been responsible for virtually every terrorist attack in recent years and they want to allow interrogators to beat foreign and left wing terrorists into submission, tear out fingernails, cook the genitals, hang them upside down, force them to read any book by Newt Gingrich but as far as domestic terror, they deserve cheeseburgers; remove all those pesky and totally and completely unnecessary environmental protections and while they’re at it, allow offshore oil drilling everywhere and stop those silly protections for so-called endangered species which have no right to live anyway; stop shoving the COVID-19 vaccine down our throats through our arms and get off our backs about safe distancing and those ridiculous masks and let all businesses reopen full bore, including public swimming pools where masks should be prohibited; give police unchecked authority, eliminate any oversight and arm police with military-style arms and legs; finish the damn wall and stop lollygagging and pussy footing around; get Space Force up and running to immediately stop any attacks from extraterrestrials like Marjorie Taylor Greene; limit the fake news and outright treasonous reporting of the democratically-controlled media; and finally, drain the swamp so we can get back our daddy, the former, former, wannabe dictator, Donald Bone Spur Agent Orange Trumpppppp.

Journalist for 40 years and now a creative writer