Who Loves Tucker
And now from nightmare central, for the moment none of you have been waiting for, except, unfortunately, for many millions of you to whom I would say, you get what you deserve.
Ladies and gentlemen, honorable Americans all, it is my honor to introduce the 47th President of the United States, the one, the only Trump doppelganger, that unmasked basket of bad news and equally bad ideas, Tucker Carlson.
President-elect Carlson, that star of Fox News, has named his cabinet and it includes Vice President Donald Trump Jr., Secretary of Defense (and former, former president) Donald J. Trump; Secretary of State Sean Hannity, Treasury Secretary Ivanka Trump and Homeland Security Secretary Geraldo Rivera.
Far-fetched? I hope so, I think not. Consider that the former, former, former president got elected in large part because of tens of millions of dollars in free publicity he was handed largely from Fox but from other networks as well as he was ubiquitous, charming, disarming and outrageous, before we knew how dangerous he would be, all worthy traits that networks cravenly crave for TV ratings, regardless of the causes, leading up to and during his 2016 campaign. Trump also capitalized on his hit show, “The Apprentice,” which made him a popular and flat out, obnoxious household character in millions of homes filled with deep-thinking voters around the nation who believe books are poison and were desperate to rally around someone as long as his name wasn’t Clinton.
Carlson doesn’t have to woo Fox, he is Fox, and he’s just as known as Trump to those same deep-thinking, constitution-loving, capitol-thumping Republicans so he’s gotten a huge advantage and the 2024 race hasn’t even begun in earnest.
Carlson is a Trump doppelganger with a winning resume. With his cherubic face, intelligent and faux genuine facade and vicious way with words he could run circles around wannabes who couldn’t carry Trump’s supporter like those relatively milk toast, dull senators Ted Cruz, Josh Hawley, Marco Rubio, Tim Scott, Tom Cotton and Rick Scott; Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis and former N.J. Gov. Chris “Time for Some Traffic” Christie; blowhard evil-looking Mike Pompeo; and that equally blah, boring and empty vessel of any values or plans, the sycophant supreme, the vice president, Mike Pence, who wasn’t bothered when Trump showed he was all too willing to throw the vice president under the bus to save his presidential skin.
Carlson, in short, is the perfect candidate to succeed the man with orange hair, the unhinged, lying bone spurs man himself. Carlson can pick up the mantle of the man that is still beloved by many great Republican leaders as well as millions of Americans who just can’t wait to get their white boy back in office.
Many just smiled from ear to ear to hear the former leader bad mouth mandated or even strongly recommended protections against the Chinese Flu, such as wearing those impossibly imposing masks. Not to be outdone, Carlson has called on people across the nation to rise in anger and call the cops if they see a child being tortured into wearing one of those damnable masks that betray our constitutional rights to privacy and stupidity. Whether Carlson believes that masks are a violation of constitutional rights is no more relevant to whether Trump was a Bible-thumping, God-fearing, Bible-following leader. It’s all about the political points, baby. However, like Trump, Carlson is again playing with fire, throwing caution to the wind and potentially endangering lives. He could care less, neither did Trump but you know what, Carlson is as dumb as a fox as he knew that the more outrageous he was, the more the news shows would salivate and fight to cover his rants and there he was, covered on “The View,” CNN, Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel. I can only hope that the television gods learned their lesson from Trump and won’t give a lot of news time to another loudmouthed bigot but I’m a perennial optimist. Show me a reporter who ignores a controversial person or event that he is positive other reporters will report and I will show you an unemployed reporter. Anyone that can get under the skin of liberals is good enough to get the attention of those who still believe that Trump was robbed of the presidency.
So that covers masks but Carlson also has recently tuned in to the racist, anti-Semitic, right wing, white skinned, Christian American paranoia about fears of being outnumbered by people of color and other cultures who are being welcomed and invited into the country by the Democrats, otherwise known as the “great replacement theory.” Right out of the Trumpian playbook. That won the white hot anger of the Anti Defamation League that called on Fox to fire Carlson, the highest-rated host on Fox News, which the last I saw, didn’t happen and probably won’t happen at least not for another two million years.
In 2018, Carlson said that immigrants make America “dirtier and more divided.” He has denigrated the Black Lives Matter movement and has criticized scientific evidence of climate change. He supports Trump’s wall on the southern border with Mexico, the same wall that Trump said Mexico would pay for but that the U.S. spent billions on and Biden has called an end to the funding. He minimized and downplayed the evidence that Russians tried to influence voters for Trump and said Robert Mueller, the special counsel for the investigation on Russian interference in the 2016 election, was “sleazy and dishonest.” Carlson has questioned Biden’s victory and raised allegations of fraud in the 2020 election. And as far as the invasion of the capitol by gangs of Trump supporters and white supremacists, Carlson said “There’s no evidence that white supremacists were responsible for what happened on Jan. 6th. That’s a lie.”
His yearbook from Trinity College describes him as a member of the “Dan White Society,” an apparent reference to the American political assassin who murdered San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and Supervisor Harvey Milk in 1978.
Carlson was no reality TV sensation but he was a contestant on season three of the reality show “Dancing with the Stars,” when he was paired with professional dancer Elena Grinenko and was the first contestant eliminated, on Sept. 13, 2006.
Sounds like a doppelganger to me.