0505blog

Getting Better, Not Older

I am a doddering old fool who can’t get around much anymore, who has one and three-quarters feet in the grave, who is so far out of touch that my distance from understanding worldly events can only be measured in light years, who hasn’t had an original thought in 30 years, who has no interest in sex, is incontinent and probably has bad breath, who can’t keep in a driving lane or drive faster than 20 mph, who has nothing of value to add to the discussion and generally is about as worthless as a broken door knob or a glass of spit.

Well screw you and I am tired of being stereotyped, cliched, pigeon-holed to fit one of your many ignorant, false narratives, right up there with the one that says that people of color, including indigenous people, are incompetent, that America is the home of the brave and land of the free (or is it home of the free and land of the brave? Doesn’t matter because it’s not true any way you shake it) or that women don’t make good leaders because they are too emotional.

I forgot more than you will ever know and that’s a fact because you don’t learn, you just scroll and surf. I have what is called “experience” which is a great teacher and you are too young to have much of it yet. I could run circles around you in a discussion about the causes of World War I, the poetry of Walt Whitman and the cubist movement and I do 70 minutes on the stationary bike every day, after I’ve taken a 30 minute walk, while you are buried in your phone, watching videos about 700 pound women and texting photos of your lunch.

One thing I would say is that I love to meet new people, I welcome you with open arms and I don’t care if you’re 27 or 72 because I learn something new with every person I meet and because I crave contact with other people, it’s what makes me carry on and I warn you that if you keep up with your false narratives and hurtful stereotypes, that when you get to be a senior citizen, golden oldie, pensioner, retiree, old fogy, old fart, older American, mature American, aging American, call it what you will, that you also will be discarded like an old wet shoe with a hole in the soul. Do you think that once you’ve reached a certain age, you’re no longer human but you turn into a stone and you no longer have human needs other than the constant need for regularity? See how you feel when you start getting the algorithm-created ads for ways to stop rectal bleeding and how to avoid those embarrassing moments of incontinence and how to buy a Life Alert.

Wisdom is a word you don’t hear much but it is probably the most valuable human attribute, more than intelligence or knowledge and I have some pretty wise insights gathered along the way of my 72 years, like don’t believe what they say. When you are ready, we can talk.

We all lose when whole groups of people are tossed in the trash; you lose because I can offer a lot and I lose because you can offer a lot. And if you keep telling older people that they are over the hill and should just hunker down in the rocking chair, button up your fleece blanket and drink tea then that is what they will do and what a waste. So stop humoring me and start taking advantage of what I have to offer and are you that stupid that you think we are all individuals until we get old and then we are all the same? In the end, the only one who will decide if I am old is me and I can’t see that happening for a long, long time, despite what you say.

Getting old is not easy, as Bette Davis said, “Old age is no place for sissies.” So have a little compassion for me and it will be returned in great quantities.

So I have more craggy lines in my face and a few more sags on my body but peel it away and I am the same person I have always been so come on in, let’s take a ride together, let’s laugh together, let’s learn together. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The age of a woman doesn’t mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.” You can change that to refer to a man and it is just as true. And one day, you will understand what Cora Harvey Armstrong meant when she said that “Inside every older person is a younger person — wondering what the hell happened?” And of course, Brigitte Bardot had these sage words of wisdom, “It’s sad to grow old, but nice to ripen.”

By the way, I drive my motorcycle 90 mph, I am quite continent and I love sex.