0721blog

Are You Kidding

My eyes are flowing tears not of sadness but of hilarity, I have the hiccups and my sides are about to split from laughing so loud. I haven’t laughed like this in years.

I was listening in to a few light moments with Betsy Devoe, William Barr, Mike Pence, Mike Pompeo, Steven Mnuchin, Stephen Miller and the jokester in chief. They are more fun than a barrel of monkeys.

When Barr told this joke about three brown shirts who enter a bar, I was in stitches. Pence had us all rolling on the floor with his cracks about the trouble with pregnant women.

Pompeo had an anecdote about chainsaws and journalists and Miller couldn’t contain himself with his joke about the Mexican children in the cage. Miller has the kind of smile that every sadist has after garroting a person to death.

And the jokester in chief remarked about how he used to catch fireflies and then close the lid on the jar and see how long it took for them to die. I think he meant that he did it when he was a kid, but I could be wrong. There was a dead silence in the room until Trump raised his eyebrows and then the hysterical laughter exploded all around and I swear Pence peed in his pants. I tell you, it was over the top hilarious.

And how about that seasoned, experienced, college-educated, eminently qualified White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany, also known inside the beltway as “that gorgeous Barbie doll.” She does a stand-up routine at so-called news conferences that you wouldn’t believe and has a killer sense of humor, while she doesn’t have a clue about what she is talking about and would be utterly untethered without her binder filled with lies and rationalizations that claim to be answers.

This is really funny, get this, McEnany was not initially a Trump supporter but she went to the dark side for the 2016 presidential election. Before that, in early 2015, McEnany said on CNN and Fox Business that “Donald Trump has shown himself to be a showman” and it was “unfortunate” and “inauthentic” to call him a Republican. McEnany also called Trump’s comments about Mexican immigrants “racist.” Now that is a riot, particularly McEnany’s obvious longtime and heartfelt belief in the virtues of Trump.

At least she’s much easier to look at then Joseph Goebbels.

To tell you the truth, this has to be the unfunniest group to have been in the White House in a long time. They don’t really have very good material and they’re all about as jocular as a lead balloon. They make Nixon look like Rodney Dangerfield. Maybe Andrew Johnson wasn’t a cut up but that’s going way back.

There was a time before he was president that Trump actually seemed to have a sense of humor, very self-serving, but still moments of frivolity.

Like on the Howard Stern show on April 11, 2015. Stern asks then-developer Trump about what it was like to go back stage before the Miss Universe pageant, which Trump owned.

“I’ll tell you the funniest thing. I go back stage before a show and everyone is getting dressed and ready and everything else, and you know there are no men anywhere and I’m allowed to go in because I’m the owner of the pageant and therefore I’m inspecting it. And you see these incredible looking women and so I sort of get away with things like that,” Trump said.

Ha ha ha.

And on the David Letterman show on Dec. 2, 1987, a fawning Letterman joked that Trump had agreed to give every audience member $1 million.

“A million dollars for every one in the audience sounds like an intriguing idea,” said Trump when his hair was brown and not yet weird-looking and he smiled almost in a genuine way.

Asked about how people feel about him, Trump told Letterman, “Most people love me and a few people have great distaste for me.”

And then for the funniest moment of the interview, Letterman asked about Trump’s upbringing.

“I had a good childhood, wonderful parents, very normal in a lot of respects,” said Trump, in total contrast to everything that has ever been written about Trump and his family, including the alcoholic brother who was driven to suicide by Donald and his father.

“You act like you’re running for something,” Letterman said as the audience had a mass orgasm lovefest for The Donald, the citizen, soon to be the wannabe dictator.

You can’t really blame Trump’s henchmen for having no senses of humor. After all, it’s just about impossible to find frivolity in unidentified men in unmarked cars dragging protestors to an unidentified location with absolutely no probable cause before releasing them without any charge whatsoever.

It hearkens back to those Keystone Cops of yesteryear that were known lovingly as the SA — Sturmabteilung, meaning “assault division,” also known as the Brownshirts or Storm Troopers, a violent paramilitary group attached to the Nazi Party in pre-World War Two Germany.

And it is so challenging to find the humor in a president who claims the COVID 19 pandemic is a hoax that is perpetrated by Trump’s enemies, who are lurking in every Democratic Party corner of the universe. Could you say it’s funny that the “hoax” has infected and killed hundreds of thousands of people. I guess in some perverse way, it’s funny. No it isn’t.

The funniest moment in the Trump administration, that seems to drag on for eons, was June 12, 2017, the first meeting of the full cabinet, when each cabinet member genuflected, bowed down, expressed fealty and kissed Trump’s ring, while proclaiming him nothing short of the savior of the world.

Vice President Mike Pence: “This is the greatest privilege of my life is to serve as vice president to a president who’s keeping his word to the American people.”

Next up was Attorney General Jeff Sessions, who later quit under pressure from Trump for having named an independent prosecutor to look into Russian meddling in the presidential election.

“It’s an honor to be able to serve you and to send the exact right message, and the response is fabulous around the country,” said Sessions as he obviously kept himself from rolling on the Oval Office carpet in tears of hysteria or amid thoughts of suicide for being a traitor to his oath of honesty.

Elaine Chao, the Secretary of Transportation, who happens to be married to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, gave her obligatory and wholly lifeless comments, “I want to thank you for getting this country moving again, and working again.”

Nikki Haley, the U.S. ambassador to the U.N., who also later resigned, said it was “new day at the United Nations. We now have a very strong voice. People know what the United States is for. They know what we’re against. They see us leading across the board.”

Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Price then took the moment. Price also later resigned amid criticism for taking charter flights at taxpayer expense.

“Mr. President, what an incredible honor it is to lead the Department of Health and Human Services at this time under your leadership,” Price glowed.

Chief of staff Reince Priebus, who also later resigned, was most effusive and transparent in his false praise.

“On behalf of the entire senior staff around you, Mr. President, we thank you for the opportunity and the blessing that you’ve given us to serve your agenda and the American people,” Priebus said in all seriousness.

We should all take this time to laugh a bit because God knows,we will be crying real,real soon.

Journalist for 40 years and now a creative writer