0731blog
Daunting Foe
There is no greater feeling of anguish, despair and overwhelming impotence for a parent than watching your fragile, adult child wither from mental illness.
As in my case, one day my 24-year-old daughter seemed to be full of life, energy and promise for the future,frequently proclaiming she was happier than ever before. To the outsider, she appears to be robust and strong but don’t be fooled because she has a history of mental illness. And now, suddenly, a suffocating, grey pall again has descended, the beast has returned and my child has again been quickly engulfed in confusion and only wants to escape from the pain. And I am left with no answers for my child or myself.
It is such an insidious demon because it is invisible and powerful. Once it attacks, there will be no trip to the doctor to mend a broken bone, no expert words of wisdom to make the illness go away. Offering support and compassion may be all that can be done and it may help, but it may very well not be enough to break through the wall of confusion and paranoia that grows with every terrifying moment.
The illness may arrive slowly, disguised as nothing to fret about, and ignored as something that will pass, before it suddenly explodes into full blown psychosis as it takes the form of hallucinations, obsessions or self-inflicted pain. The child desperately pleads for anything that can bring respite, whether it is drugs or some other intervention. It is so clear why people become addicted to drugs as the only path for relief from such a miserable condition.
In my daughter’s case, her earlier illness came in the form of frightening hallucinations. They have largely left but in a relatively short time, she has developed a compulsion to make her bed, not once or twice but continually and with no apparent reason. Such things may seem inane but it is these kind of compulsions that can drive people into the depths of depression.
There may be overwhelming guilt by parents who search for what they have done wrong and what more they can do for their child, when really, they have had nothing to do with the sickness, which is its own mysterious master.
Above all, the child is swept away in a situation that is totally alien and something that the child is utterly unable to process and understand, much less ameliorate. My daughter explained it as having a feeling of overwhelming sadness that she could not control. And hearing that breaks my heart.
And there is nowhere to hide or run with the illness a constant companion, through hardly a friend. And the parents are left flailing their arms in confusion and crying out to the gods about the horrible unfairness of it all.
Medication may help or it may present side effects that make the cure worse than the disease. In my daughter’s case, past medication brought on severely manic episodes, which invariably are followed by depression. Often a series of psychotropic medications are tried and offer no respite until the right one is discovered and will help until they no longer help. Thankfully, that was the case with my daughter although the effectiveness of the drugs has apparently ended.
Electroconvulsive therapy or ECT is an option that has often been successful but there are no guarantees that the procedure will stem the ferocity of the illness and if it does work, for how long.
The really awful aspect is that like the ancient Sword of Damocles hangs as an ever present threat, relapses are common as a symptom of the disease and they can strike with no rhyme or reason, coming years between episodes. They can come in varying degrees and may be managed by medication or ECT treatments.
In my daughter’s case, nine years ago she experienced her first bout with extreme psychosis in the form of hallucinations. It resulted in hospitalization for two months that included ECT treatments. Aside from side-effects including loss of long term memory, she rebounded well and has been more or less OK until this latest step backwards. And that is one of the cruelest tricks as she knows what it has felt like to be relatively healthy and fears she will never find such peace again.
After the professional help has or has not worked, it may be that all that can be done is to offer words of support that the illness will subside and hopefully, the chemistry in the brain that has caused all the mayhem will change and chase away the demons.
Always, always the welfare of the child is paramount for as painful it is for the parent it is unbearable for the child. Parents must continue supporting and helping in any way they can and forever how long it takes.