0920blog
Trump And Zog
Donald J. Trump has sex with monkeys.
Frequently.
And in various positions.
But that’s just the way it’s done on the planet Zog, where Trump is from. They do things quite a bit differently on Zog, which is located many galaxies away, as reflected in every atom in Trump’s overweight, bad-golfer body.
And that is why nobody should blame Trump for his ways, he’s just reflecting his upbringing and isn’t that what we all do?
Zog is no more, it imploded years ago, when it could no longer sustain its culture with its tradition of uber-consumption and absolute disdain and disregard for anything sustainable or recyclable as all lived by the mantra “when you’re done, throw it out.”
Before Zog went down, Trump was rocketed out by the Zoggian leaders to spread the Zoggian word throughout the universe and that is how he got to earth. Trump wanted to leave because he was ashamed of his father who was an outcast on Zog, having spent many years in prison for telling the truth and violating many of the Zoggian 10 commandments, which are:
1.You shall worship any and every God possible, especially those you make up, if they make you wealthier.
2. Idols are fine and in fact, they are a helpful tool to fool people.
3. God is just a word to twist for your own good as God has no intrinsic meaning or value.
4. The closest a day comes to being holy is Sunday, a day of non-stop golfing or acts of wanton sex, or Monday or Tuesday or really, any day, because nothing is holy.
5. Respect is for losers, especially when it comes to parents and people who died in combat or were held prisoners of war or otherwise shuffled off their mortal coil for something more important than their own singular lives.
6. Murder is like a tree in the forest, if no one sees you do it, it didn’t happen and it’s OK, especially if it’s on Fifth Avenue.
7. Adultery. Well there’s no need to explain the wonders of adultery.
8. Stealing is just the sucker’s definition of being a really smart businessman so steal all you can and if you get caught, refer to the ninth commandment, call your consigliere and declare bankruptcy.
9. False evidence is not a problem, especially if it’s against your neighbor who has a hot wife, in which case you can violate the seventh commandment and claim your neighbor forced you to do it and don’t forget to have the hot wife sign a binding non-disclosure agreement never to talk about the illicit goings-on.
10. Covet as much and as frequently as you can, just make sure nobody sees you do it and act like it’s not really coveting because you deserve more than anybody else.
There’s a much beloved myth on Zog, a cautionary tale, about one of the planet’s founding fathers, George Plotnick. The story goes that when George was a boy he was accused of having chopped down a cherry tree. He famously replied, I didn’t do it, that was Walter Zimpot. And that lie laid the first stone on Plotnick’s road to eventually be named the planet’s revered, beloved and leading Zogident.
Donald Trump tried to tell the truth once when he was 14. You have no idea how badly that went over with his so-called Zoggian friends and the Zoggian high lords. Rather then sentence Trump to years in exile to a place where there is no money, Trump agreed never to tell the truth again and he was quickly set free and soon had rediscovered the phony love and support of all.
On Zog, all the men are quite pudgy, with sallow complexions that are masked through the daily use of sun lamps. They have large behinds and weigh much more than they say they do and many claim to have bone spurs. They start losing their yellow hair when they are in their teens, leading to the universal comb-over that is considered quite attractive on Zog and also quite sexy although on earth is just gross.
Overweight Zoggians like Trump reflect the planet’s regular diet which consists solely of cheeseburgers and fries as there are literally tens of thousands of fast food restaurants from one end of the planet to the other. A health food store that sold natural foods high in nutrition was once burned to the ground and any talk of calories was forever banned. And they also drink lots of Zog Cola which have inordinate amounts of sugar, although there are no Cokes because the franchise has long been held by the Zog family.
To earthlings, the planet looks barren, cold and unfriendly. To the Zoggian, the planet is barren, cold and unfriendly and that is fine with the average Zoggian because the landscape has been rid of pesky trees and greenery of any kind, including all shrubbery, and replaced with asphalt and large hotels, which are generally in one state of bankruptcy or another. There are also not a lot of animals on Zog because it has been deemed that they have no value and were either long ago largely exterminated by troves of hunters, including Donald Trump’s son or they died when oil tankers sank and spewed deadly oil, killing many animals.
And any visitor to Zog would be instantly put off by the odor in the air of chemicals, mixed with gasoline fumes and carrion. But that is a beautiful aroma to the Zoggian who has been raised to sniff and smile at such chemically-induced fragrances which are created when all laws about air pollution are verboten so that car companies and other industries can spew out poisonous gases and make the most money possible. It makes it hard to breath but Zoggian leaders see it as a small price to pay for profit.
As far as the monkeys, they are desired by all who live on Zog and they always have been and that explains why offspring are usually not too smart, including Donald J. Trump.
So that pretty much explains why you have to cut Trump some slack because he’s really not to blame for being the worst human possible, which is actually, the best Zoggian possible.