Tutorial On Ethics

A lawyer once told me that he doesn’t defend people, he defends the law.

I think I understand what he was saying and it was that even the lowest scum of the earth has to be treated fairly under the law because many of the lowest scum of the earth are falsely accused and need a system to set them free if they’ve been falsely accused.

So I don’t blame lawyers, even, strike me dead if I ever repeat this, even Rudy Giuliani, the man who sweats brown fluids and farts a lot, a lot, and looks like something straight out of the “Night of the Living Dead.” Giuliani and the lot of the other lawyers are doing what they are paid to do, often to represent the scum of the earth, and they are paid a lot, a whole lot.
That is not to say that some of the lawyers aren’t dishonest and will do anything to win, including, if necessary, snatch the walker from their own grandmother and push her off a cliff into the murky, cold waters of the Pacific Ocean or even conspire with leaders in Ukraine to hang Hunter Biden. These are the lawyers who are in fact also the lowest scum of the earth and often need a lawyer to represent them so they are not falsely imprisoned while they also think that scruples is something you spread on a bologna and mayonnaise sandwich on white bread.

So, yes, even the lowest scum of the earth have a right to their day in court with representation. And lawyers deserve to make a living, I only dispute how much of a living, like Giuliani’s request for $20,000 a day to represent Trump. The only person who deserves that kind of money is Mike Trout and possibly Mariano Rivera when he was still throwing that ridiculous cutter.

Which leads me to the seven Republican attorneys general who have signed on to the 15,381st lawsuit to overturn Biden’s victory so that Trump can stage a successful coup like the kind that brings tin pot dictators to lead South American nations.

But these attorneys general aren’t defending the law, they are defending themselves because there is this hulking figure of Bone Spurs and the 71 million people who voted for him and who could make or break appointed attorneys general and send them back to their original jobs as lawyers in Iowa who defend men accused of beating their wives with baseball bats and having sex with their sons. So yes, I place these attorneys general in the scum of the earth category,

And then there is the scum of the earth supreme, Sen. Ted Cruz, the Republican beacon of ethical behavior from Texas, who will be Trump’s lawyer in the latest lawsuit though I would rather call it a “gasp for air so that Cruz is not destroyed as a 2024 presidential candidate even before he starts a campaign.” And yes, Cruz will make a lot, a whole lot of money for representing the man who would tear down our democracy and be the next dictator for life. Not that I don’t feel for Cruz as he’s probably a nice guy to his kids, maybe, but I have no proof of that.

Dozens of judges and courts have rejected multiple challenges to the election, filed on behalf of Bone Spurs. That would make an honest man think twice or maybe even 112 times about yet another lawsuit but that’s why God made people like Ted Cruz, so they can make believe that the election was rigged, that Trump should be the real president and that Cruz can sleep at night knowing he will have the support of many of those 70 million, bright, honorable and courageous supporters of Bone Spurs.

Having Trump’s support could be the ticket for re-election for many Republican attorneys general and other politicians, while failure to get the master of the dark art’s backing is no less than the kiss of death, a phrase that dates back to Judas’s betrayal of Jesus with a kiss identifying him to his executioners or more recently to “bacio della morte,” Italian for kiss of death, a Mafia signal that someone has been marked for execution or loss in a primary election.

Remember this name, Republican Sen. Josh Hawley of Missouri, the “Show Me State,” a phrase coined by Missouri Congressman Willard Duncan Vandiver, who served in the House of Representatives from 1897 to 1903. In an 1899 speech at a naval banquet, the great Vandiver said, “I come from a state that raises corn and cotton and cockleburs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I am from Missouri. You have got to show me.”

Hawley has praised the latest lawsuit and coincidentally also wants to be president, just like the honorable Ted Cruz. No doubt that Hawley will demand that the Supreme Court “show me” that Trump did not win the election.

And let’s not overlook the great Republican, Ken Paxton, the Texas attorney general who filed the lawsuit that has garnered support from the seven honorable attorneys general. This may shock and surprise you but Paxton is considering a run for governor of the great Lone Star State, where the tradition of the lawless west and gunslingers and crooked marshals is rife.

By the way, the 17 states signing on to an amicus brief in support of the Texas lawsuit include Alabama, Florida, Kansas, Missouri, Louisiana and South Dakota, coincidentally states that went blood red for Trump where people generally think that real men don’t wear facial masks.

Journalist for 40 years and now a creative writer