A Rose By Any Other Name

Humane killing. How’s that for an oxymoron?

And “inmate” at a “correctional facility” where there are “corrections officers.” And my favorite, “military intelligence.”

As far as humane killing, there is no such thing. You can’t approach another sentient being and say I’m going to kill you, but don’t worry it will be humane.

Hunters should call it what it is: Killing.

I’m not opposed to hunting though it never appealed to me to follow a deer whose only crime was existing and then blow its furry little head off with my high-powered, specially-made rifle that can kill a mouse from 14 miles. Don’t get me wrong; as I said, I’m not anti-hunting. I’m just about truth in advertising.

If you’re packing up your weaponry and your assorted other death paraphernalia, say you’re going killing. Don’t say hunting. Hunting is so misleading. So you approach a wild turkey and he looks at you in horror, overcome with a fear that he will never see his babies again. You tell him not to worry and that you’re only hunting. That quiets the turkey’s fears until he hears the blast.

I am particularly interested in the so-called “deer stands.” Stands reminds me of the bleachers at a ball game. It would be just fine if the killers used the stands simply to watch the wildlife and cheer for them. “Hey, Joe, check out that white-tailed deer. She’s a beauty.”

But that’s not how it is.

I don’t get how shooting an animal that is grazing for food or simply out for a walk from 15 feet up is a sport. Sport involves two sides with rules and umpires. Just as there is no crying in baseball, there also is no killing in baseball.

I know the argument that hunters (killers) only go after prey that they will eat. I understand that I am a hypocrite if I eat burgers that come from cows that are massacred on assembly line destruction systems. Hunters, if you stop killing, I will stop eating meet. Not that it matters.

And maybe I’m a hypocrite because I don’t like to see animals slaughtered. But at the same time, I’ll casually step on ants. I am not a follower of Jainism, the ancient Indian religion that teaches non-injury to any living creature.

As far as “inmates,” the phrase is such an Orwellian way to describe such a heinous lifestyle. It sounds like you’re referring to friends who live at an inn. “Hey mates, how’s the inn these days?” Prisons, I need not repeat, are not like most inns although I stayed at one inn in Cape May that resembled a prison.

Prisons are cold, grey places where the noises of the guards and other prisoners echoes throughout like in some medieval castle. The beds are uncomfortable and the cells smell like urine. And prisoners must quickly learn the intricate social systems or find themselves very uncomfortable.

The people who are deprived of their liberties are prisoners. Call it what it is. People who are sentenced to prison are prisoners. People who are sentenced to inns are inmates.

According to DifferenceBetween.net, “Prisoner” and “inmate” refer to anyone who has been deprived of his liberty or freedom against his wishes and is confined due to forcible restraints and captivity. … However, “inmate” refers to prisoners who are in the prison serving time or patients confined to hospitals for some kind of treatment.

Huh?

And it is not correctional facility because prisoners do not leave corrected. Last I saw, the recidivism rate in prisons is obscenely high. They should be called “criminal universities” because they don’t produce corrected people but better criminals.

Again, I don’t want to sound like a bleeding heart liberal. We have a right to be protected from people who commit violent crimes. And if it takes a prison, then prison it is. But just call it what it is: A prison (not a correctional facility) that houses prisoners (not inmates). I just want truth in advertising.

And finally, the mother of all oxymorons, “military intelligence.” Is it intelligent to blow up a country, is it intelligent to declare war in order to take over a country, is it intelligent to consider “body counts” rather than killings?

A better phrase is “military insanity.”