About Flying Squirrels, Chinese Bamboo
And the Lies That Trump Says
Talk about a bumbling clown, Donald “Gen. Bone Spurs” Trump can’t even trust the Cyber Ninjas anymore and the ex-president, who just can’t keep from lying with every breath he takes, is like a rabid dog that has attached his teeth to your leg and will not let go and should be humanely put down, metaphorically of course. But he won’t be put down in any event because he never has been one to let reality get in his way.
Trump’s brilliant plan to reverse the 2020 election and put his oversized buttocks back in office seems to be backfiring more than a ’62 Chevy that hasn’t been tuned up in 300,000 miles. For months, Trump has trumpeted what he said would be explosive revelations of the latest investigation into alleged voter fraud but instead the findings released yesterday have been more like a rain-soaked firecracker or an impotent weenie.
In fact, if trump continues to insist on further reviews of the results of the 2020 election, he might find that he received maybe a total of six votes and that’s only if his family voted for the would-be dictator, which isn’t a slam dunk by any means.
Trump and his partners in crime have consistently hammered on the ludicrous claim that he was robbed of a presidential re-election because of widespread voter fraud. They pushed for a “forensic audit” in Arizona, otherwise known as a baseless review pushed by a baseless clan of trumpers into Arizona votes in the 2020 election.
Trump should have quit bellyaching before the review of the “forensic audit” was completed. The Arizona review has been completed and it has been determined that President Joe Biden actually received 99 more votes than previously tabulated and that trump had 261 fewer votes. The review was completed by Cyber Ninjas, a fruity Florida company picked by the Republicans and whose president is a “Stop the Steal” proponent with the review financed largely by $5.7 million in donations from suckers in far-right groups and trump’s defenders.
After the results of the review were made public, the man with the bad orange hair was in fine form when he said the review “has uncovered significant and undeniable evidence of FRAUD! Until we know how and why this happened, our Elections will never be secure.” And where are those flying squirrels and Chinese bamboo growers when we need them.
That should end the trumpian big lie that he was robbed of victory, it should once and for all finally silence those who pushed the big lie, it should satisfy even the coarsest Republicans that indeed, Biden did win. Of course it should but it won’t because the wingnut Republicans and there are many wingnuts in this wonderful country, including many who joined in the attack on the Capitol in Jan. 6, will never believe that trump lost fair and square and instead will always adhere to every word spoken by their lord, the great and former, reality TV star.
Contrary to trumpian claims, there were not thousands of ballots filed by dead people, only thousands of ballots filed by brain dead Republicans. There was no widespread fraud involving mail-in ballots and there was not one case of fraud involving dead Nazis. I made up the part about dead Nazis but not the stuff involving allegedly fraudulent votes by dead people or massive fraud involving mail-in ballots.
Of course, trump and his bootlickers won’t accept the review by the same company that they pushed to do the review. I expect they will blame the company for being co-opted by the Democrats and funded by the Chinese as evidenced by bamboo fibers in voting ballots and everyone knows bamboo comes from China and that on top of this, there were large scale reports of flying squirrels dropping fake ballots in the ballot boxes.
Not to be silenced by the mere presence of facts, trump has been pressuring other states to conduct “forensic investigations” of the 2020 voting results. Texas Gov. Greg Abbott has come through in royal fashion as Abbott, through the Texas secretary of state’s office, announced late Thursday that it has begun a “full forensic audit” of the 2020 general election in four Texas counties: Collin, Dallas, Harris and Tarrant. There has been no evidence of widespread voter fraud in Texas in 2020 but there has been unlimited evidence of ex-presidential fraud.
But you have to love the words of Texas Democratic State Rep. Chris Turner, who responded to the secretary of state office’s announcement on Twitter by saying “Let me be the first to congratulate the disgraced former president, Donald Trump, on his apparently becoming the new governor of Texas. Pitiful yet predictable that @GregAbbott_TX has capitulated to Trump yet again.”
Trump also has been pressuring politicians in Wisconsin and Pennsylvania to hold Arizona-style investigations. This insanity reminds me of the movie, “The Night of the Living Dead” only it’s about blood soaked zombies who follow their leader to the ends of the earth and beyond.
I was taught to never bury the lede in a story but I am violating that journalistic rule and I don’t have to worry about spoiler alerts because this bit of wisdom is coming at the end of my story. But here it is, trump and the rest of his bumbling group of miscreants know they won’t overturn the 2020 election, in fact, they’ve always known there wasn’t a chance in Hades to overcome the election. Their purpose was to so poison the election process and to convince his base that the process is totally and irrevocably corrupt. And that will pave the way for 2024 when he will again lose the election but this time, will muster enough support from enough people to levitate him into office by any means necessary.