Act Like A Man

Grown men are overweight and out of shape, stink to high heaven and carry automatic rifles and signs with Swastikas on them. And real men don’t wear masks.

If that’s the definition of a grown man, count me out.

I’ve been raised with a whole bunch of short hand words that were supposed to help me define my manhood. They were words to help me mock, disparage, depersonalize, belittle, make fun of or just to enable me to look down on and make myself feel tall or to feel part of a larger, obnoxious tribe. Have you read “Lord of the Flies.”

They were the words in the arsenals of the weak masses.

There were few words to help me compliment and applaud people but they couldn’t compete with the words of the bigots. Words like you’re smart, beautiful, friendly, generous, empathetic, cool, the greatest, died in the shadows of those timeless epithets designed to cause the greatest emotional pain possible.

If only, like they say, they were just words. But words are like nuclear missiles in the wrong hands. They can devastate and leave lifelong scars.

They are phrases like:

Grow up. Act like a man. Are you a red-blooded American boy? Stop being a baby. Baby, baby stick your head in gravy. Dont be a wimp, you cry baby. You act like a girl, you momma’s boy. Boys will be boys. Just tough it out. You’re a sissy, a pansy, a fag. You’re a retard or just plain weird. Four-eyes. Fatso, lard ass. Moron.

Let’s examine and sanitize these words that have caused so much unnecessary pain but were the mantra for people my age from very early in our lives. I know what the words and phrases mean but taken literally they become silly. lose their impact and become just words.

1. Grow up. I’ve been working on that for the last 70 years. I feel like I’m getting close. Have to admit I often feel like I’m growing down.

2. Act like a man. Does that mean act as in “pretend” or behave. In that case, I do behave like a man though sometimes I feel like a rat. It may imply that a real man doesn’t emote during and after a tragedy like the time I was hit in the head with a softball bat and had to get 12 stitches. I cried and did not act like a man.

3. Are you a red-blooded American boy? My blood is red, contrary to the popular misconception that blood is blue before it hits the air. I am an American, that having nothing to do with choice but rather birthhood.

4. Stop being a baby. I gave up my binkie years ago, I eat with utensils, I don’t make doo doo in my pants and I can buy beer. So all in all, I am not a baby though I once was.

5. Baby, baby stick your head in gravy. Simliar to number 4 although I have no idea about the reference to gravy. I do prefer ketchup or catsup.

6. Dont be a wimp, you cry baby. I believe wimp implies someone who is easily pushed around and who cries like a baby. I have been pushed around and I have cried. Am I out here all alone?

7. You act like a girl, you momma’s boy. Again, do they mean act as in”peform” like a girl. That must refer to Dustin Hoffman (Tootsie) and Robin Williams (Mrs. Doubtfire). I agree to being a momma’s boy. Everyone is, even boy turtles are momma’s boys.

8. Boys will be boys. Weird statement but true just like girls will be girls and boys will sometimes be girls and vice versa.

9. Just tough it out. If that means, hang in there even if you’re bleeding profusely from the head after being whacked by a bat , then I’m opting for the not-tough plan of action. Please see number 2.

10. You’re a sissy, a pansy, a fag. Three words with similar meanings. I assume sissy could be linked to number 2; and pansy could describe a flower lover and fag could either be a cigarette or a person of the gay persuasion. Nothing negative there.

11. You’re a retard or just plain weird. As for a retard, mental retardation is a serious issue and nothing to belittle. There are levels of retardation that can be extremely limiting or a moderate impairment. As for “just plain weird” does that imply there is another “special” form of weirdness. Weird implies someone or something that is out of the mainstream. Count me in.

12. Four eyes. It worked in its day but is very much a dated insult as even Bruce Springsteen wears glasses.

13. Fatso, lard ass. Shaming people about their weight is so gauche. People gain weight for so many reasons that they may be unable to control and overweight is such a relative and meaningless term. Unless you refer to “grown men (who) are overweight and out of shape, stink to high heaven and carry automatic rifles and signs with Swastikas on them.”

14. Moron. Another word that only can make sense in comparison to someone else. If one moron meets another moron then there can be no put downs. Curiously, those who would use such a pejorative term are probably morons themselves so they’re defeating the purpose of an insult.

And now a few words about COVID-19.

Sometimes I feel like Patty Hearst, the heiress and former Symbian Liberation Army member .

She was held captive by the Symbian Liberation Army and eventually came to their points of view to the point of joining in a bank robbery. The phenomenon was later called the “Stockholm Syndrome.”

It is a coping mechanism for a person experiencing prolonged, extreme depravation. The person feels a kinship to to his captors and can then feel less imprisoned.

I will kind of miss COVID-19 when it’s gone. I’ve found a certain joy in not having to compete out in the world and having my days defined by the virus.

That would be called Stockholm Syndrome.