Age of the Cannonball
There is not a whole lot of demand for human cannonballs although there are a few people I would gladly light the fuse to see them rocket to the great beyond.
Most of us live lives of quiet desperation, as was said famously by Henry David Thoreau. And then there are people like Tetyana Synovyat who can be said to live anything but quietly.
Synovyat is also known as “Zarina The Human Cannonball.” She is not to be confused with Tatiana Felixivna Lysenko, a former world champion gymnast from Ukraine or the hammer thrower of the same name, Tatyana Lysenko.
“Zarina The Human Cannonball” was a gymnast from the former Soviet Union before coming to the U.S. in 2004 when she got a job with the Cole Brothers Circus. I met the tiny, attractive blonde-haired bombshell or rather, cannonball, on a morning when the circus was to perform at County College of Morris.
She’s since vanished from the human cannonball scene. Her abilities aren’t sought since the demise of circuses, like the Cole Brothers Circus, that were drummed out of existence because of animal cruelty. Animal tricks have gone the way of “freak shows” that ended when people realized it wasn’t right to gawk at people with disabilities, like Siamese twins or women with beards.
We talked briefly as her English was poor and the only Russian I knew was how to say “I love you,” “It’s cold outside” and “thank you,” none of which was appropriate.
It sounded like cannonballing never got old for Zarina. In our conversation she told me that she always was excited at the moment the charge goes off and sends her skyward, before she lands, ending the orgasmic event in front of gasping crowds of young and old.
Zarina’s skill was being shot out of a cannon, hurtling through the air at speeds of about 65 mph and landing in a large net, without breaking her neck. That, in fact, was the fate of Rose Maria Richter AKA “Zazel,” who worked for P.T. Barnum and is believed to be the first human cannon ball. At one performance in 1880, Zazel broke her back and never shot out again.
Zarina’s skills paled in comparison with Brian Miser, a 56-year-old former Ringling Bros. performer, who is the only person in the world to shoot himself out of a cannon while fully engulfed in flames. His wife, Tina, performed alongside her husband from time to time.
I’ve always been drawn to people like Zarina. Not only does she have a show name but she is probably never bored. Boredom could mean a broken neck, literally. I’ve never been able to jump off the high board or enjoy the house of horrors so I can’t begin to fathom how she could endure those excruciating countdowns before the explosion.
The cannons that propel people like Zarina don’t actually use gunpowder but rather use compressed air or springy bungee cords to send the undaunted, performer skyward. People like Zarina don’t discuss the exact mechanics, in an effort aimed at job security. Gunpowder or not, it’s still a fearsome act.
Being fearless or giving the impression of being fearless is not me.
Among the other fearless occupations that I can only enjoy vicariously is lion taming. The dashing men in top hats and tails, crack their whips and twirl chairs to keep at bay 800-pound tigers or 550-pound lions that could snap a man’s spine in one bite.
Today’s lion taming techniques have been toned down in the name of humane practices and exclude crowbars, bullwhips and guns which are replaced with a combination of repetition, trust and encouragement. How boring. But still rather frightening.
Recall the incident in which a white tiger viciously attacked magician Roy Horn in 2003 during Siegfried & Roy’s Las Vegas show. An audience of 1,500 watched 400-pound tiger Montecore bite Roy and drag him offstage.
And then there is sky diving. I put that right in the same arena as cannonballing and lion taming. I understand that the first dive is done in tandem and you are strapped to an experienced sky diver while you free fall for less than a minute before the chute opens and you land safely on the ground. I just don’t believe it works out that way every time.
And then there is bungee jumping, hang gliding, big wave surfing and heli skiing/snowboarding where you jump out of a helicopter into snow that could turn into an avalanche in a heartbeat leaving you buried for eternity. I’m OK with skiing as long as it’s on flat terrain.
And how can we leave out “wingsuit” flying? You know it’s somewhat dangerous when the insurance companies say so.
Wingsuit flying is described as the closest thing to flying. The suits make you look like some kind of flying insect as they use air resistance to inflate the wings, creating an airfoil shape that increases forward motion while slowing descent. Not in my world.
My concern is doing something that can’t be stopped if it gets too dangerous. Fishing is alright, driving a motorcycle is not fear-inducing and neither is hiking, unless it is up a vertical cliff without ropes for safety. I must admit that the thoughts of doing something death defying and feeling adrenaline to test human limits is otherworldly but still, it’s something that I will leave to people like Synovyat.