Phil Garber
4 min readJul 22, 2021
Photo by little plant on Unsplash

Audacity is McCarthy’s Middle Name

Has He No Shame

Naming Republican congressmen Jim Jordan of Ohio and Jim Banks of Indiana to the House committee looking into the Capitol insurrection is like appointing Hitler and Goebels to a committee looking into who to blame for the Holocaust.

Follow me on this, House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy of California recommended five Republicans, including Jordan and Banks, to be seated on the committee that has been formed by House Democrats. But Speaker Nancy Pelosi of California said the two trump-backing, far right leaning, “stop the steal,” traitorous lawmakers were just a tad too biased to look objectively at the causes for the insurrection. McCarthy had a temper tantrum, took all of his toys home and removed all of the Republicans from the committee, leaving it an all-Democratic group, which is a good thing given the Republicans’ utter failure to view reality.

Jordan and Banks, you might recall, are among the biggest loudmouth trumpers who have said trump was robbed of re-election because of non-existent voter fraud and that the capitol insurrection was just a friendly get together.

Fear not, because in the name of fairness and transparency, McCarthy is planning to convene a Republican committee to uncover the causes of the class trip to the Capitol on Jan. 6. Already, the Republicans are grumbling that any investigation must also consider the generally peaceful demonstrations around the country that were triggered last year after a Minneapolis police officer murdered George Floyd, an unarmed African American. Adding to this bizarre fantasy, Republicans have said that Pelosi and the Democrats are to blame for the riot because they failed to provide adequate security at the Capitol and that the provocateurs were largely members of the Antifa and were not trumpers, even though they carried grotesquely large trump flags and banners. I would expect that McCarthy would name to the GOP panel, representatives of the Proud Boys, the Oath Keepers and don’t leave out The Three Percenters. They would be sure to offer the unvarnished truth about their attempts to rescue the nation from clutches of the socialist-communist-Democrats.

McCarthy, Banks and Jordan are not crazy voices in the wilderness but rather they fit right in with most Republicans. A Washington Post survey found that while 67 percent of Americans overall said the attack on the Capitol was an attempt to overturn the election, only 32 percent of Trump voters said that was the cause. Among all Americans, 56 percent called the events an insurrection; only 20 percent of Trump voters did. And while only 29 percent of all polled saw the attack as an act of “patriotism,” 51 percent of Trump voters cast it that way.

I have other ideas for appointments to other congressional committees. Tres Genco, 21, of Hillsboro, Ohio, should be named to a committee looking into violence against women. If Genco isn’t a familiar name, he was arrested on Wednesday and charged with plotting to shoot students in sororities. Genco is involved in an online community of “incels,” short for “involuntarily celebate,” a group of misogynist misfits who blame women for denying them what they believe is their right to sexual intercourse.

And while we’re at it, seated next to Genco would be everybody’s favorite sex degenerate, Harvey Weinstein, and of course, the ex-president, “grab them by the pussy” trump.

And while we’re naming people to committees, let’s put Pete Rose on the panel investigating gambling and baseball; Darren W. Woods, chairman of the board and CEO of Exxon Mobil Corp., would be a fine addition to a panel examining global warming; Mexican drug lord Joaquín Archivaldo Guzmán Loera, better known as “El Chapo,” could help Congress probe the drug trade; Brenton Tarrant, remember him, he’s the white supremacist who slaughtered 50 people at two New Zealand mosques and would make an awesome addition to any probe into the Black Lives Matter movement; and on the congressional corruption inquiry, expert panelists could include, forget it, the list is too long but at least make room for trump and giuliani.

And on a totally unrelated tangent to make you feel fortunate and to help you out of the relentless morass of Republican politics, I’ve researched some of the unluckiest people and I call them “People I’m Glad I’m Not,” and I place on top of the list, the man who was camped out in the wilds of Alaska when he was attacked for several days by the same very angry grizzly bear. The man survived after he was rescued by a Coast Guard helicopter who happened to be passing by and saw the man waving frantically for help from the persistent grizzly.

A website called wonderlist. com, came up with a list of the 10 unluckiest people who ever lived and each deserves a spot on my list of “People I’m Glad I’m Not.” Coming in at number one on the wonderlist list is Englishman, John Lyne, who survived after he was hit by lightning, ran over by delivery van, hit by a bus, nearly drowned to death, propelled by a catapult, being in several car crashes and being rolled over by a rock in a mine.

Actually, John Lyne might be a good choice for a congressional panel looking into dumb luck.

Phil Garber
Phil Garber

Written by Phil Garber

Journalist for 40 years and now a creative writer

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