To The Brink

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Goddamit can someone answer the phone.”

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.

Hearing no one around to answer the Oval Office phone, “Almost in Jail and Almost Not President” Donald Trump pulled himself away from his television, cursing as he picked up the phone and fumbled to find out how to work it, having never actually dialed a call himself but always had a lackey do it.

“Hello. This the president of the United States who was so obviously reelected with 100,000 more votes than Sleepy Joe but had the election stolen from him in the biggest scandal ever. Who the hell is this and what the hell do you want? Don’t you know I’m busy,” Trump yelled.

“Hi Donald, it’s Sleepy Joe, you know, the guy who totally destroyed you in the election,” said Joe Biden. “I didn’t think you would be too busy and I hope I’m not interrupting you but we’re having a pre-incarceration party on Jan. 20 and would like to invite you, you know, kind of like gallows humor.”

“Thanks but no thanks and I’ll see you in 2024,” Trump seethed as he slumped back to the remote and turned on the One American News channel to see that yes, in fact, he had been reelected and that yes, in fact, he was the greatest president ever and only weighed 165 pounds.

With that said, Trump, who has been referred to as the political David Koresh, referring to the cult leader who died with his followers during an F.B.I. siege in Waco, Texas, salivated or more specifically, drooled, as a wide grin spread across his face while he continued watching coverage of the riot that he had fomented in D.C. where thousands of unshaven men, including at least one who wore horns, stormed the capital.

The D.C. police chief, in charge of security, evidently had been a student of the “leave the door unlocked” strategy in which burglars would never enter an unlocked home, thinking someone must be home. The chief’s version was the “a few dozen cops” strategy in which protesters would go home, believing that so few police meant there was really nothing much to do. Or maybe it was more sinister, like maybe there were a few white supremacists on the force who wanted Trump re-elected more than anything.

Despite their small numbers, the contingent of D.C. police showed their colors as they helped riotous miscreants to find the bathrooms in the Capitol and asked if they would leave the building, pretty please while waving their fingers in feigned anger. Never mind that if this was a demonstration by the Black Lives Matter movement, there would have been a sea of black blood wider than the Potomac.

The cops weren’t ready for such a humongous turnout of Confederate flat waving, noose hanging, gigantic bag of undesirables. After all it was quite a surprise except to the millions who were following the crazy right wing social media that for weeks was reminding people to be white and be right at the Capitol on Wednesday and to be safe, bring along your AR-15s.

The hubbub is what to do now that Trump has just a few weeks left before he says bye bye and jets back to his obscene Mar-a-Largo mansion where he can stare for hours at the self-portrait painting that hangs obscenely in the main hallway like some kind of dragon waiting to swoop down. He couldn’t understand why anyone would fault him after he offered such a heartfelt and optimistic address to Republican National Committee on Thursday, a day after he had encouraged thousands of unshaven, beer-bellied trolls to roam and pillage the halls of the heart of democracy. It was Trump’s way of telling his GOP friends that he’ll still be around and will support their GOP election campaigns although it sounds a little like Dracula offering to hold a blood drive.

“Shit,” said Trump, the law and order president, after completing his address and promising a peaceful transition to the Biden presidency. “I forgot to mention Sicknick. Oh well. It’s a dumb name anyway and it was probably his fault and he was probably a Democrat and African American.”

Trump was referring to Capitol Police Officer Brian D. Sicknick who died at about 9:30 p.m. on Thursday, after being whacked with a fire extinguisher by one of the rioting lovers of law enforcement.

So now the scramble is on for the rats to scurry off the sinking Trump Titanic and to distance themselves from such a dastardly man who did such a dastardly deed that was totally unexpected and caught the hypocritical lap dogs blind-sided. They never dreamed that Trump’s presidency would turn into a malignancy and that the commander in chief would do something so totally irrational as he had always showed he was terribly level-headed in the past. I remember shortly after Trump was elected in 2016, former Rep. Rodney Frelinghuysen, R-11, that former darling of the moderate GOP wing, said he was pretty sure that the new president was all bluster and would work out just swell. Just saying.

So now the question is what to do with poor Donald. Should he be waved adios and Hasta luego and be allowed to ride his stallion into the West Palm Beach sunset or should he be impeached and convicted so he can never, ever again run for office. Some argue that punishing the man with bad feet would only make him a martyr and further fuel the anger of his fawning rabble masses. But the rabble is so crazily angry with information fed to them by a constant silo of right wing media lies that they couldn’t get any crazier even if Trump is martyred.

A growing number of Republican senators are self flagellating while agonizing in great honesty and saying they are shell shocked, horrified and really, really sorry that they didn’t do more to contain Trump and his maniacal ways because they were confident that Trump would grow into the job and become really presidential. The Republican hypocrites said there was no way they could have predicted that Trump would urge the crazies to stage a violent coup d’etat. Many of these same esteemed lawmakers won’t mention that they gave fuel to Trump’s conflagration of outrageous and totally unfounded claims of widespread election fraud. And these same remorseful legislators were mum when Trump egged on such upstanding groups as the Proud Boys to be front and center. They are really, really sorry, even though they know full well that if they had called Trump out, that Donald’s wrath would mean a successful primary challenge for these growing number of really, really sorry Republican senators.

Sen. Lindsay Graham, R-S.C., has been a longtime bootlicker and on Thursday he said it was sad that Trump had “tarnished” the Trumpian legacy by not condemning the “debacle” at the Capitol. You can’t tarnish a pile of gelatinous, cancerous, shit.

“It breaks my heart that my friend, a president of consequence, were to allow yesterday to happen and it will be a major part of his presidency,” said the heart-broken Graham, whose failure to act helped fuel the attempted sedition.

Even Vice President Pence, who has pale skin and looks like he’s made of wax and needs a wick on his head, was furious that the man he once said was chosen by god to lead the nation, was trying to shove Pence under the bus by blaming him for not rejecting the electoral college and rejecting Biden’s victory.

But at least Sen. Kevin Cramer, R-N.D., had the courage to stand up to his fuhrer and make the really, really bold statement that “I do think the president bears some responsibility. Certainly, he bears responsibility for his own actions and his own words and today in watching his speech, I have to admit I gasped.”

I am sorry you gasped, Mr. Senator. There are many sorts of fowl coming home to roost.



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