Phil Garber
5 min readApr 7, 2021



No Mas

If a former, disgraced president is interviewed but nobody watched, was there really an interview?

The former disgraced president spouted on about his world of dark fantasy for a half an hour last week in an interview on the far-right network Newsmax, a cable mini-media company that makes Fox look positively left wing that was started by Trump confidant Christopher Ruddy and which is watched religiously by more than a dozen wingnuts around the country, who believe that Trump won the election and the earth is flat.

You have to feel some sort of pity for Bone Spurs, his only joy in life was when he had his mini-orgasms, or at least he tried, while doing his best Mussolini impression, riling up crowds of flag-waving, MAGA-hat wearing, miscreants who didn’t need any riling or when he could hold a news conference and bellow about he and he alone while claiming that any negative reports were fake news, brewed by the lefty, commie, Antifa press and all their lefty, commie, Antifa supporters.

I’m not one of those who feels empathy for DJT and thank God I don’t write about him anymore.

It was all so white and so exciting, while it lasted, what with not one but two impeachments, an incitement to riot and so much more, it was a golden time when topics were served on a silver platter for bloggers, columnists and the likes of Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, Trever Noah, Seth Myers and of course, Saturday Night Live.

The trained monkeys who served the man who would be king were so much fun to mock and to watch them left swinging in the breeze after being tossed under the bus, sorry for the mixed metaphor, the nostalgia is almost crippling and those slogans that could kill, “Stop the Steal,” “MAGA” but it all seems like it happened a million years ago in a galaxy far, far away.

I feared there would be nothing to write about after the demise of Agent Orange but I was wrong and so I have vowed never to write another column about those four absurd, phantasm-like, demonic, tormented, nightmarish years.

Surprisingly, it has become remarkably easy to come up with issues for this blog, now that DJT is out of office but there was a time when I perversely wanted him to remain the cruel leader so I would have continuous grist for writing.

I recall how every day there would be another horrific thing that Bone Spurs had said or done and it begged for commentary, not just from me but he dominated all the major columns and surely those columnists also were ruing the day when there would be more offensive tweets, no more condescending comments, no more outlandish lies. Those were the days when every column, every blog, essentially wrote itself.

And how can you not feel nostalgic for a guy who said, “I like people who weren’t captured,” “ You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her — wherever,” “Look at that face! Would anybody vote for that?” “Thousands and thousands of people were cheering as that building was coming down,” “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue, shoot somebody, and I wouldn’t lose any voters” and “I don’t know anything about David Duke, OK?” I give him this much, he has a gift, although many of his comments were probably co-written by the angel Abaddon and his army of locusts.

And while she always looked like she had just been assaulted, I will miss Kellyann Conway’s comments that made me look behind me to see if the world had been taken over by monsters, like, “I believe that Donald Trump is someone who is not fully understood for how compassionate and what a great boss he is to women” or “Donald Trump just has always elevated women to the highest echelons” or “I don’t think that we need to see [Donald Trump] tax returns to verify his financial acumen. I walk into the Trump Tower every day and I’m like, this guy did pretty well for himself before I got here” and “The fact is that Hillary Clinton could not stand up to a cheating husband, so how in the world would she stand up to North Korea and some of our other enemies around the globe?” How can you not admire that woman and hope she isn’t assaulted again.

But now the air is no longer as contaminated as before and it smells better and I find there are many, many topics even though the instigator-in-chief has retired to his infested swamp-like, ostentatiously repulsive gilded home in Florida, where he belongs and should stay although I am still hopeful he will eventually be wearing an orange jumpsuit.

Sadly, with Il Duce gone, there is no shortage of Trump wannabees, but fear not because none of them has his demonic attraction, his craven absence of any morality, his ability to lie, lie, lie and then to lie about his lies, although many of the wannabees can put up a good battle.

Despite the demise of DJT, there is no shortage of insects that will continue to spout their treacherous words, like Marjorie Taylor Greene, Ted Cruz, Mo Brooks, Paul Gosar, Andy Biggs, Lindsay Graham, Rand Paul, Tom Cotton, Matt Gaetz (but not for long), Mitch McConnell, Devin Nunes, Ron DeSantis, Chris Collins, Kevin McCarthy, Mark Meadows and many, many more.

Let’s take a walk down memory lane or more to the point, nightmare alley, for a look at some of those who made us stand up and take note over the four Trumpian years.

Mike (what was his name, you know the guy who was head of the CIA, oh right, Pompeo) Mike (I can’t be alone in a room with a woman) Pence, Sean (This was the largest audience ever to witness an inauguration, period, both in person and around the globe) Spicer, Sarah (There was no question: He was explicitly clear in the fact that there was no collusion) Huckabee Sanders, Stephanie Grisham, and Kayleigh (I will never lie to you. You have my word on that) McEnany, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Donald Jr., Ivanka, Melania, Johnny McEntee and Hope Hicks, Mark Meadows, Kellyanne Conway, Steve Bannon, Paul Manafort, Roger Stone Ivanka Trump, Tiffany Trump, Donald Trump Jr., Eric Trump, Betsy DeVos, Steven Mnuchin, Ben Carson, Dan Brouilette, Robert Wilkie, John Ratcliffe, Mark Meadows, Andrew Wheeler, Russell Vought, Gina Haspel, Robert Lightizer, Rudy Giuliani, Alex Azar, Wilbur Ross, David Bernhardt, James Mattis, and John F. Kelly, Gary Cohn, William Barr, Elaine Chao, Andrew Wheeler, Mick Mulvaney, Scott Pruitt and Jeff Tien Han Pon, E. Sequoyah Simermeyer and Poonam Alaigh (whoever they were).

In closing, let me say that I am so glad to be released from the shackles of feeling obligated to write each day about DJT and that I never even think of him anymore. And I do hope that his interviews remain with outlets like Newsmax.