Bugatti Chrion In Every Driveway

I drive a 2009 black, Honda Civic that makes very loud noises and has bumpers held on by black duct tape that blends in with the color of the car.

I come from an upbringing where if I forgot and left the lights on in the bathroom, my mother would remind me, “What, do you think we own Con Ed?” We had fans, forget about air conditioning, and I had to scan the list on the right side of the menu at the rare times we went out to eat. That would be the list of prices.

Retread tires, used cars, scraping peanut butter jars clean and bagged lunches, that was my life. You understand we weren’t poor; just careful with the dough. Not a Bugatti Chrion kind of family.

A Bugatti Chiron is a car that needs an interpreter to pronounce. It sounds more like an appetizer at an Italian restaurant. This is no $3 million meatball.

My Civic sounds like it is perpetually dying, something like an animal struggling for its last breath before the death rattle. The Bugatti Chrion engine hums like a Buddhist chant. It will live forever. And well it should.

It can reach a top speed of 261 miles per hour, four times the speed limit on Route 80. That is accomplished with a vehicle that has 16 cylinders and generates 1,500 horsepower. God I need one.

Let’s see, my duct-taped, bruised and battered Civic can top out at a mean 55 mph, while putt putting out 158 horsepower on its four tiny, lonely cylinders.

The Bugatti Chrion is for the one percenters, people who are champions of the working class shmoe. People like Jay Leno, who owns 189 cars, including several classic Bugattis.

If you want a new Bugatti Chrion, you’d better hurry. Each year only about 500 of the supercars are built. Around 26 are sold in the United States each year, and last year there were only 82 sold worldwide. No matter how hard I try, I will probably never be one of those 26 new owners and it breaks my lower-middle class heart.

Just for comparison sake, I could get a 2020 Honda Civic Hatchback LX for $22,570 from Clinton Honda. For the $3 million cost for a stripped down Bugatti Chrion, I could buy 132.9198050509526 Honda Civic Hatchback LXs.
Or rather than the Bugatti Chrion I could buy a 2007 Learjet for $2,995,000 from aerotrader.com. But hey, why not both? I mean I deserve it.

You want a sunroof? No problem. Just kick in another $60,000. Chicken feed, chump change, a mere bag of shells.

My insurance through Liberty Mutual runs around a thousand dollars a year and it does not include collision. Insurance for the Bugatti Chrion is around $8,000 a year. It has a collision policy where anyone who does any damage is beheaded.

I can get four Firestone all season tires for my senior citizen Civic for a total of $295.96, plus tax and balancing. If I went to Mavis, I probably could save a few bucks.

Take a wild guess how much four, specially designed Michelin tires cost for the Bugatti Chrion? Would you believe $12,000? Believe it and that probably includes balancing. And it needs a special machine to change a tire. You don’t call AAA.

To round it out, I spend a good couple of hundred dollars a year for oil, plugs and new air and oil filters. The annual service cost for the Bugatti Chrion: $20,000. Probably not a good idea to take it to Vincenzo’s auto repair.

And of course, of course, it has leather seats. No butt sticking to these seats when summer comes and you’re wearing your Bermuda shorts.

So what? I mean to show how we are indeed a classless society where we can all pursue the American dream. You know, just pull up on your bootstraps and you can have the American success, complete with a Bugatti Chrion in every driveway and a chicken in ever pot.

And on the subject of equality, everybody has to suffer during the COVID 19 pandemic. Right? Only Bugatti Chrion owners get to quarantine on their $275 million super yachts that are the size of Rhode Island. Somehow, they will survive despite the suffering of needing a GPS to get from one of their yachts to the other.

And I would mention that the Republican leaders, including Il Duce, are supporting further support of small businesses only if the businesses are protected from lawsuits by workers. That means no lawsuit can be filed by the worker who gets COVID 19 because nobody is wearing masks. It protects the Bugatti Chrion-owning business owner.

What about workers who worry that their workplace won’t be as safe as it could be because the owner can’t be sued? Well the worker could always not come to work and in that case would not qualify for unemployment. Tough choice.

It’s no different for the Bugatti Chrion owner.

Did someone say class warfare?