Christmas Book
By the Grinch
I know low hanging fruit when I see it and thank you Bone Spurs.
Trump has a new photo book, “Our Journey Together,” due out in December, just in time for Christmas, and it’s selling for only $74.99, and at a steal or as Bone spurs would say, stop the steal, you can get a signed copy of the book for a measly $229.99, with the total proceeds most likely going to the war chest to reelect trump in 2024.
“The coffee table book features hundreds of photographs that were ‘handpicked by the President’ and captions that he wrote,” according to the former president’s official website, 45books.com. Wow, he even wrote the captions, himself, but I hope his spelling and punctuation and use of the English language is better than he showed in his many and fascinating tweets.
The former president said in a statement in June that he was “writing like crazy” and that when the time was right, “you’ll see the book of all books.” I thought the “book of all books” would be the Old Testament, the New Testament, Ulysses or maybe Don Quixote. But what do those have over “Our Journey Together?” Nothing, says trump.
I can identify with all the hard work trump put into compiling those captions which require hours and hours of deep and sincere study and research and like a fine wine, they take time to become marvelous.
I can’t wait for his memoir which will undoubtedly be the longest memoir that a windbag can tell and as it will most certainly detail his incredibly wonder-filled accomplishments, it will be found on the fiction list and I have some suggestions for a title, including “Lies My Mother Told Me,” “Rise and Fall of the Holy Roman Empire,” “The Death Star,” “My Struggles,” “Confessions of a Con Man,” “Welcome to My Party on Jan. 6,” “I Never Met an AK-47 I Didn’t Like,” “Night of the Living Dead,” “Liar,Liar Pants on Fire” and with apologies to Stephen King, “Misery,” Under the Dome” or “Bag of Bones.”
As far as his qualifications to be an author, the longest book the tweeter in chief has read from cover to cover was an abbreviated “Jack and the Beanstalk” and that was because it only contained the front and back covers as the inside pages had been torn out by a very angry, mean king.
Don’t forget il duche’s great and wonderful vocabulary as in:
“We were cocked & loaded to retaliate last night on 3 different sights when I asked, how many will die,” wrote Trump, the beneficiary of $30 million in National Rifle Association campaign spending.
Perhaps the most distinctive of all of Trump’s turns of phrase is “big-league” but it came out “bigly” when the ex-dictator used the phrase at rallies.
And how can we ever forget the famous “word” that first appeared in a May 31, 2017, late-night tweet Trump posted in May that read simply, “Despite the constant negative press covfefe.” He deleted the tweet six hours later and implied that its wording was intentional. White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer later said, “I think the President and a small group of people know exactly what he meant.”
And then there was “the cyber” uttered mysteriously by trump at a 2016 presidential debate with Hilary Clinton. In response to moderator Lester Holt’s question on cyberwarfare and foreign hacking, Trump said, “As far as the cyber, I agree to parts of what Secretary Clinton said” and “So we had to get very, very tough on cyber and cyberwarfare” and “The security aspect of cyber is very, very tough.”
Not to be topped, at an event with African leaders, Trump twice referred to the nation of “Nambia” which must be just south of Narnia. Observers assumed he was combining the names of two real African countries, Zambia and Namibia.
And in another exemplar of his unparalleled knowledge of the Bible,Trump appeared before an audience of Christian students and cited a section of the Bible he described as “Two Corinthians.” The title of the book he was referring to is pronounced “Second Corinthians” but evidently trump was just exercising presidential authority.
Trump said in a statement reported by Fox News, that he was “thrilled to announce I will be publishing a wonderful book in time for Christmas! Our Journey Together’ is a collection of beautiful photos captured during our very successful time in the White House.”
Trump described the book as a “fantastic keepsake” that “chronicles the greatness of the last four years with powerful images unlike anything else that has been published.” It features, “unforgettable moments from our time in Washington: building the Southern Border Wall; cutting America’s taxes; confirming almost 300 federal judges and 3 Supreme Court justices; rebuilding our military; creating Space Force; dealing with Kim Jong-Un, President Xi, President Putin, and many other world leaders; and battling liberals on two Impeachment Witch Hunts, just to name a few.”
There is a lengthy addendum of fact checking in the book. Just kidding. The book will be published by Winning Team Publishing, an imprint co-founded by trump’s son, Donald Jr. and Sergio Gor, a longtime communications aide and deputy chief of staff to Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., who was later hired to work on the finance arm for trump’s reelection campaign and the national Republican Party.
Trump is listed as author or co-author on more than 30 volumes, although most certainly all were ghost written and the only role trump had was to put his name on them. Trump’s “Time to Get Tough,” “Think Big and Kick Ass in Business”and “The Best Golf Advice I Ever Received” will join the works of Thomas Jefferson in the presidential wing of the Library of Congress. Oy.
So trump’s name will most definitely be among the worst if not the worst of the presidential memoirs, the best generally acknowledged as Jefferson’s memoir, followed by the writings of Abe Lincoln.
To give the devil his due, you have to set the trump bar really, really low and you can’t expect trump to write a scholarly or even understandable book for anyone over a fourth grade level. That is the level of trump’s communications, according to a 2018 analysis of the speech patterns of presidents going back to Herbert Hoover.
Trump,who has claimed to “being like, really smart” and a
“genius….and a very stable genius at that!” clocked in around mid-fourth grade, the worst since Harry Truman, who spoke at nearly a sixth-grade level. At the top of the list were Hoover and Jimmy Carter, who were basically at an 11th-grade level, and President Barack Obama, in third place with a high ninth-grade level of communicating with the American people.
When the smoke clears and trump’s presidency is evaluated, he will unquestionably nudge out George W. Bush, listed by The Top Tens. com as the dumbest president ever.
And as far as the size of the Presidential Library, the largest is the John F. Kennedy library at 134,293 square feet while the smallest is the Herbert Hoover Presidential Library and Museum at 47,169 square feet. I would imagine that if trump’s library includes all of his accomplishments it may be the size of a small broom closet.