Cookies and Doughnuts
And COVID -29 Vaccines
For me, the incentive for getting the COVID-19 vaccine is that I don’t want to die but evidently that’s not good enough for a lot of people who so far haven’t been vaccinated and that would be 149,678,027 Americans who either want to die, think that wearing a mask is a total violation of their constitutional right to be stupid or have gotten hopelessly lost down the rabbit hole.
With the delta variant spreading across the country, local and state governments and the private sector are trying all kinds of gimmicks to lure people into getting vaccinated.
For you who aren’t convinced with the life and death argument, next week, rush to your local Krispy Kreme store and get two free glazed doughnuts, including special heart-shaped bites, if you can prove you’ve gotten a COVID-19 vaccination. It doesn’t sound like much but if each of the 149,678,027 Americans who haven’t gotten the vaccine, gets vaccinated because they hunger for Krispy Kreme doughnuts, then that’s 299,356,054 free doughnuts and now you’re talking big Krispy Kreme numbers although the doughnut maker can afford it as the company’s net worth is around $2.7 billion.
But if you don’t want a free doughnut or two, you could go to Indiana and with proof of a vaccination, get a free box of Girls Scout cookies, although the state isn’t saying if you’ll get ThinMints, Caramel deLites/Samoas or the Peanut Butter Patties/Tagalongs, the three most popular Girl Scout cookies in the country. More likely than not, they’ll give away Do-si-dos/Peanut Butter Sandwich cookies, which happen to be the runt of the litter, least favorite Girl Scout cookie in the nation but even a lousy Girl Scout cookie is better than most non-Scout cookies.
The down side for getting free cookies and doughnuts is that these sweet treats aren’t exactly health foods and eating enough of them could lead to diabetes and then we’d have a diabetes pandemic, which would be terrible. A Krispie Kreme glazed doughnut has 200 calories and one ThinMint cookie is 40 calories but nobody can eat just one.
Every state is offering some kind of incentive to get people to get vaccinated but the chintziest state is Idaho where government employees receive a whopping four hours of paid leave if they have received or choose to receive the vaccine.
I don’t imagine there are a lot of people who have been holding out from getting vaccinated but who will give in to the lure of a few free doughnuts or Girl Scout cookies or four whole hours of paid leave, but, hey, this is America. If it works, maybe we can try the same thing with the Taliban, offer them free doughnuts and cookies if they promise to grant women full rights or maybe a year’s supply of Kabuli pulao, Pekhteh or Pukhtay, Naray ghwakha, Chopan Kabab, Seekh kabab, Chapli kabab or Shinwari tikka, all guaranteed to make a Taliban mouth water.
If I hadn’t been vaccinated, I’d be on my way to Alabama’s Talladega Superspeedway where anyone 16 and older who gets tested or vaccinated can drive their car or truck on the 2.66-mile track, taking two laps behind a pace car at highway speed, including the 33-degree-high banks. Cool. And besides providing some kicks, the lure might be helpful getting more people to get vaccinated in the state that has the worst rate in the country, just ahead of that other southern bastion of good sense, Mississippi.
Mississippi isn’t exactly giving away the store but in Jackson, Miss., $6,000 has been raised to pay people $25 to get vaccinated. And in Hattiesburg, people going to the C.E. Roy Community Center will receive a $25 Visa card if they get the shot.
In Delaware, inmates at state prisons who get vaccinated can get five days of good time credits, a free video visit, snack bag or a special meal, and an opportunity to be scheduled first for in-person visitations when they resume because they’ve been postponed because of the pandemic so that the prisoners don’t risk getting sick while rotting in their jail cells.
Even Guam is getting in on the incentive train with offers to any Chamorro, the collective name given to the people who live in Guam and people who live on some of the other islands of Micronesia in the Pacific Ocean. Fully vaccinated Chamorros can have a chance to win one of six cars, $10,000 cash, or other prizes through Guam Liberation Day, July 21.
In California, anyone 18 and older who has been vaccinated, can enter a lottery to win tickets to see the San Francisco Giants play, enjoy a spa in Palm Springs, learn to surf in San Diego and more.
Here in New Jersey, the giveaway is called “Shot and a Beer,” but it is clearly misleading as any resident 21 and older who gets vaccinated can get a free beer at a participating brewery, but no mention of a shot. The program ended on May 31.
But here’s the big one. Anyone who was vaccinated before the end of May was eligible for a drawing to have diner with Gov. Phil Murphy and his wife, Tammy Snyder Murphy. It’s enough to draw in the most hard core anti-vaxxer.
I do wonder what will lure the fiercest anti-vaxxer to get the stupid shots. Maybe offering a night on the town with Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, R-Ga., Rep. Matt Goetz, R-Fla., Florida Gov. Ron Desantis of Florida, Sidney Powell, Lin Wood, Kayleigh McEnany, Texas Gov. Greg Abbott, Herschel Walker, all of the Proud Boys, Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., Rep. Kevin McCarthy, R-Calif., the Cyber Ninjas, Mike Pompeo, Rudy Giuliani, Laura Ingraham, Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson, Rep. Elise Stefanik, R-N.Y., Rep. Jim Jordan, R-Ohio, Sen. Tom Cotton, R-Ark., Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Texas, Sen. Josh Hawley, R-Mo., Rep. Mike Garcia, R-Calif., Steve Bannon, Roger Stone, Rep. Louis Gohmert Jr., R-Texas, Rep. Devin Nunes, R-Calif., Sen. Perdue, R-Ga., Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., Sean Spicer, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Stephanie Grisham. Stephen Miller, Kellyane Conway and of course, bone spurs himself. Yes, that would work.