Get Me My Fendis
People are protesting murders of unarmed African American men at the hands of out-of-control police and they’re marching against the obscene amount of income inequality but life goes on for those so absurdly wealthy that they couldn’t spend all their money if they wanted to and make millions a day for doing nothing.
This is for all of you out there in 1 percent land who suffer silently aboard your yachts or on your private islands, waiting for the pandemic to pass.
It’s all about image and clothes. Did you ever wonder what the richest and most powerful men in the world wear?
Start with something that touches all and is near and dear to all men: Underwear. Why on earth would someone spend a lot of money on something that people never see unless you expect a visit to the ER room? We’re not talking tidy whities.
A company called “Nice Laundry” markets a pair of skivvies for $1,000. It’s embroidered with 24-karat gold thread and is made out of 100 percent cashmere, so it’s soft to the touch, yours or whoever’s.
If that’s too pricey, how about a $350 pair of, Italian made, Fendi Swim briefs with drawstring waist and stretch hems. If you’re interested, the Product Code is FXB076ABSSF1AY7. The manufacturer offers free shipping. Is that really a plus for a zillionaire?
As for shirts, try another Fendi product, a green habotai silk shirt that costs only $990. It has small lapels and Mother of Pearl buttons. The code: Code:FS0833ABLFF0KUK.
As for a chapeau (that’s a hat for the rabble), there’s Andy Warhol’s “Money Hat,” a black straw hat with bands of $10 bills. The hat, including one bill autographed by the artist, was auctioned in 2015 for somewhere between $800,000 and $1.2 million.
And everyone needs a card holder, of course made in Italy. This brown fabric card holder has six slots and flat central pocket for credit cards and business cards, I assume. It’s made of fabric and finished with black leather insert and inlaid details in shades of red. File the code 7M0164A9XSF19P9 and for $350, it will be in your pants in no time. Why a billionaire would need to carry credit cards will remain a mystery to me always.
Moving along, let’s take a gander at neckties.
Anyone worth their weight in diamonds must have the Suashish Necktie for $220,000. But this pure silk tie is totally worth the price made with 150 grams of gold and 271 diamonds.
If that’s a tad too gaudy, downsize to Stefano Ricci’s Diamond Plated Tie. You can get it for a steal at $30,000. The ad for the ties notes it is much more than just an accessory and is a part of fashion history and goes to the very depths of what extravagance can bring on. God what I would give to be a part of fashion history.
Unless you have a manservant to follow you around and hitch up your trousers, you will need a belt. In a heartbeat, I would pick Republica Fashion`s Gucci 30 carat Diamond belt. Then I would reach into my $350 cardholder and pull out my America Express card and the $249,000 belt would be all mine.
Next, Daddy Warbucks needs a new pair of socks or 100 new pairs. That would mean sending the manservant to the British men’s shoemaker, Harry’s of London, who will lickedy split bring out a pair of $1,500 super soft, Cervelt, down fiber socks made from New Zealand red deer. Only 100 pairs are made each year so hurry on down.
And as advertised, Cervelt is pill-resistant with millions of air chambers to lock in body heat. How cool is that? I hate pills on my socks.
Pants. Yes you must have the new 3X1 denim brand made by Scott Morrison. NBA superstar LeBron James is one of Morrison’s regular patrons. The price tag starts at $1,200 and of course, they are made to order with more expensive materials pushing the price up.
But LeBron’s pants are nothing less than poverty compared with the $1.3 million pair of jeans marketed by something called Secret Circus Clothing. It looks like regular jeans until you focus in and examine the 15 diamonds encrusted on the right back pocket.
Of course, you need to arrive on time at your appointments with other fabulously rich people who have nothing to do but spend, spend, spend.
The perfect watch is the Patek Philippe Grand Complications 41mm, 18K Rose Gold and Alligator for $136,350 at jomashop.com. As expected, it’s manually-wound and features day, month, leap year and day or night indicators as well as a seconds subdial.
But, get this, is has a Patek Philippe Calibre CH 29–535 hand wind movement with a 65-hour power reserve. Whatever. Also you can wear it swimming and it will be water resistant as long as you don’t go deeper than 100 feet. Keep track of your depth.
So you don’t smudge, dirty or otherwise disturb your sensitive little fingers on your grubby little hands, there is the Loro Piana gloves made of American alligator skin and tonal plongé leather. The snuggly gloves are lined in cashmere and silk, and handmade in Italy. And if you have to be so gauche as to ask the price, it’s only $4,875.
Sneakers are next and they are not high tops made by Keds.
The top of the line is the Nike Waffle Shoe, one of the 12 Nike track shoes made for runners in the 1972 Olympic Trials. One pair, which was never warn, was sold at auction for a cool $475,000. Eat your heart out Michael Jordan.
Now, let’s talk footwear or shoes to the uneducated rabble.
Can I interest you in a pair of Tom Ford Edgar Alligator Hand-Polished Zip Boots for just $14,450. Need I say that , of course, they are hand-polished, stitched with Blake construction, and feature the luxury Edgar zip design for style and performance.
And if you’re in the market for a discount, how about Berluti Cursive Galet Alligator Leather Loafers. At $11,800 the shoe is extremely soft and supple, and fits your foot as comfortably as a glove, as it should.
So there you go. The next time you see one of those rich guys on TV, imagine their underwear or the cost of their ties. And then look around at the other 99 percent of the country.