Phil Garber
5 min readJul 14, 2021

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Photo by Martin Sanchez on Unsplash

Get Your Shots

Woe are Those Who Don’t

News quiz.

Q. How did Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis respond in the wake of news that Florida had the nation’s biggest increase in new COVID-19 cases over the last two weeks?

A. He enacted an immediate executive order to require all Floridians to be vaccinated.

B. He ordered that masks be worn and social distancing be observed at all public gatherings.

C. His campaign team sold drink koozies and T-shirts emblazoned with the words “Don’t Fauci My Florida” referring to the noted epidemiologist Anthony Fauci and red coolers imprinted with the words “How the hell am I going to be able to drink a beer with a mask on?”

Q. What drew some of the rowdiest applause at last weekend’s Conservative Political Action Conference in Dallas, Texas?

A. Ex-president trump’s insistence that he is the rightful president.

B. Author Alex Berenson pointed out that the Biden administration is falling short of its goal of vaccinating 70 percent of adults by July 4.

C. The winning $25,000 bid in an auction of a painting of trump hugging and kissing the American flag.

Q. How did Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson respond to the report that Arkansas, Kansas and Alabama were right behind Florida, with 172 percent increases in the number of COVID-19 cases over the last two weeks?

A. Hutchinson bragged that the Razorback State expects its residents to act responsibly and that he is proud that he has not mandated masks or vaccinations in the battle against the spread of COVID-19.

B. Heal me, O Lord and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise. Jeremiah 17:14.

C. We’re working to make Arkansas a great place to live, work, and raise a family.

Answers: 1, C; 2, B; 3, A,B,C.

Welcome to the latest edition of the parallel universe where everything is basically wrong. First let’s take a look at Florida, where the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reported that the Sunshine State had 5,576 new cases over the last two weeks, a 257 percent increase, the biggest increase in the U.S. and largely involving the Delta variant. Meanwhile, 47 percent of Floridians have received COVID-19 vaccinations, among the lowest rates in the country. Florida also averaged 2,885 people hospitalized for COVID-19 over the last two weeks, a 50 percent increase over previous weeks.

Right behind Florida, Arkansas, Kansas and Alabama had 172 percent increases in the number of COVID-19 cases over the last two weeks. Arkansas has vaccinated 35 percent of residents, Kansas 43 percent and in Alabama, 33 percent of residents have been vaccinated, earning the Yellowhammer state the dubious honor of having the lowest rate of vaccinations in the U.S. Is it just me, or does anyone see a pattern here.

Did DeSantis get serious and scold Floridians for not getting the vaccinations? No, but he did sell the Fauci koozies at a campaign rally and he continued to boast about not having shut down the state when the pandemic was rampant. Did I fail to mention that DeSantis is being mentioned as a serious GOP candidate for president in 2024, that is if trump doesn’t run, in which case, trump will have the support of every Republican on the planet and all of the voters who have had cerebral X-rays that showed nothing.

In this parallel and crazy universe, many people believe DeSantis, trump, Marjorie Taylor Greene and the rest of the GOP wingnuts as they berate, belittle, castigate and generally upbraid Fauci, who is a lightning rod for GOP derision, is the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) and is recognized as one of the world’s smartest epidemiologists. The real insanity is that those who don’t heed Fauci’s warnings do so at their own, very serious peril.

But it gets so much worse. No less than 13 members of Congress have signed on as co-sponsors of the “Fire Fauci Act,” the brainchild of Greene, the congresswoman from Georgia, the same goofball who says that a door to door campaign to encourage people to get vaccinated makes Democrats the same as Nazi brownshirts of World War II. Who knows, maybe Fauci will be fired and replaced by Dr. Harold Bornstein, remember him, he was trump’s doctor who claimed that trump’s “physical strength and stamina are extraordinary” and submitted copies of a physical exam that was dictated by trump. Oh, never mind, Bornstein is dead.

Or maybe Dr. Ronny Jackson, another former trump doctor. Maybe not, he lost his job after reports of drinking to excess and sexually harassing women. Or maybe Dr. Sean Conley, but wait, he admitted to having lied to the American public about trump’s condition after being treated for COVID-19. Well, how about just giving the NIAID job to Donald Jr. He can get a diploma from somewhere.

The Fire Fauci Act (H.R. 2316) would cut Fauci’s salary to zero until a new NIAID administration is confirmed by the Senate, (which could be shortly after hell freezes over because the GOP Senators will likely filibuster any Democratic nomination-my note).

The bill also “reminds the American public that Dr. Fauci is the highest paid ($434,312) of all 4 million federal employees, including the President. (The salary is comparable to the salaries of the nation’s top medical doctors who are in the 90th percentile and earn $400,000 a year-my note.)

The bill also “cites numerous findings about Dr. Fauci’s evolving and contradictory advice on COVID-19.” (Fauci changed advice as the science evolved and Greene complaining about Fauci is like Alfred E. Neuman criticizing Albert Einstein-my note.)

The Greene bill also directs the General Accounting Office to conduct a study about the correspondence, financials, and policy memos inside the NIAID before the outbreak of COVID through the end of this year.

Lastly the bill requires an investigation into “what Fauci and the NIAID knew, when they knew it, what they spent money on, and how the agency responded to the virus.”

Anybody who takes Greene seriously should be shipped off to a deserted island with her, and that would include the bill’s co-sponsors, all Republican:
Thomas Massie (Ky.); Andy Biggs (Ariz.); Mary Miller (Ill.); Paul Gosar (Ariz.); Matt Gaetz (Fla.); Buddy Carter (Ga.); Bob Good (Va.); Mo Brooks (Ala.); Greg Steube (Fla.); Louie Gohmert (Texas); Barry Moore (Ala.); Ralph Norman (S.C.); and Jeff Duncan (S.C.)

For the record, here are the percent vaccinated in the sponsor’s and co-sponsors’ all-blue states: Kentucky, 44 percent; Arizona, 44 percent; Illinois, 47 percent; Florida, 47 percent; Georgia, 37 percent; Virginia, 53 percent; Alabama, 33 percent; Texas, 42 percent; South Carolina, 40 percent.

The tombstones of those who refuse to act irresponsibly will no doubt read that here lies a man who listened to nobody or here lies a woman who would not be suckered into the Democratic vaccine hoax. Sad.

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Phil Garber

Journalist for 40 years and now a creative writer