Getting Invisible
Lots to Do
I have a list of things that I really want to do but probably never will for all kinds of reasons, good and bad.
I’d put on my invisibility cloak, walk into a bank and go behind the tellers window and steal all the money at all the tellers’ windows and then I would have a nice meal and then go to the Salvation Army in Morristown and give away all the money I had stolen, all the while wearing my invisibility cloak so the people I gave money to wouldn’t know who I was and find me and beg for more because then I would have to put on my invisibility cloak and rob another bank and I have other things on my list.
Including, I would go to the animal shelter in Randolph and let all the dogs and cats go free and then I’d go to the Bronx Zoo and let all the animals free, except for the giant spiders because I hate giant spiders. I would jump off the roof at my home but only if I could put down six feet deep piles of down feathers so I wouldn’t get hurt. And with my invisibility cloak back on, I would go to the exotic car dealer in Morristown and drive away in a Ferrari which I would take to Route 80 and open it up to 160 miles per hour, while still wearing my invisibility cloak so that if a State Trooper sees the car and no driver, he would be so confused and wouldn’t try to stop me.
The invisibility cloak is a very valuable article of clothing because it can free you to do all kinds of fun things without being arrested. I could go see Springsteen on Broadway even though I’m somewhat disillusioned with Springsteen because he is so obscenely rich and still sings about the working man though he may give away much of his riches to needy causes, for all I know. It would be quite cool to invisibly walk into Dylan’s home just to see what he does when he’s not performing although I would probably find that he does pretty normal things and at 80 years-old, he probably has trouble with his prostate and maybe has serious back problems.
Another thing I would do is of course, while invisible, sneak into a Trump rally and go to the podium and tussle his hair so everyone would see that he is mostly bald, an image that he avoids at all costs. In a similar way, I would approach the stage at a Broadway show where I would give a rousing rendition of “I’ve Gotta Be Me,” which I believe was made famous by Sammy Davis Jr., who was a really weird guy, the only African American in the Rat Pack and he had a glass eye, just like Peter Falk and Alice Walker, author of “The Color Purple,” who lost her right eye when she was 12 after her brother shot her with a BB pellet during a game of “Cowboys and Indians.”
And you could also get right behind the catcher while Aaron Judge comes to bat and you see how fast his reflexes are and how strong he is while he hits one into the deep, right field seats. I’d do the same thing if I could get next to Roger Federer to see how he hits such a wicked, topspin backhand. As for food, the cloak would allow me to eat stuff that I could never otherwise afford, without the invisibility clerk. I’d go to a Five Star restaurant, maybe the Fat Duck, a 16th century renovated cottage in Berkshire, England, “famous all over the world for its extraordinary 14 course tasting menu and culinary trends such as food pairing, multi-sensory cooking and flavor encapsulation,” or so the ad says. What is flavor encapsulation anyway, it sounds like they put the tiny portions in tiny capsules. Or maybe Restaurant de l’Hotel de Ville in Crissier, a suburb of Lausanne, Switzerland, which offers “majestic dishes and an irreproachable service, all signature of Chef Franck Giovannini.”
And then I would surely invisibly go to Washington, D.C., to the office of Rep. Matt Gaetz where I would stick my finger right in the eye of the Florida Republican jerk and then do the same thing to Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene because the Georgia Republican also fully deserves a poke.
What’s on your list?