https://medium.com/@philgarber/blog
0825blog
My Error
I was shocked, flabbergasted and I had to pinch myself to believe, but above all I was so impressed with President Trump’s candor, honesty and willingness to reach across the aisle to get the nation’s business done.
I admit I expected the old bombastic, fact-challenged president when he spoke at the Republican National Convention. But boy was I wrong. Here are some excerpts of his remarks and hold on to your seats.
“My fellow Americans:
Thank you. I stand here tonight humbled by the support I have felt through my first three-plus years in office and I hope I can count on you for another term to lead this great and diverse nation.
I know there were some difficult times in past months but if re-elected, I will be a different president than the one you have seen. I will show empathy by releasing any children of immigrants from detention centers and I will immediately cancel all construction on the southern border wall as I have concluded after meeting with various people that the wall is a titanic waste of money. There I said it and it will not be the last time I acknowledge when I was wrong. It is the president you have not seen.
I have notified members of Congress that upon my re-election, I will immediately recommend spending $8 trillion dollars toward reversing climate change as I can now see that it is the number one issue of our time. I am truly sorry and regret that I once called climate change a hoax. It is most definitely not.
And I will immediately appoint Dr. Anthony Fauci as secretary of health and human services. He will have the independence he needs to work toward ending the pandemic that has paralyzed our great country and not be interrupted by relative amateurs like myself. And no, hydroxychloroquine is not effective in treating the virus. You can’t say that I won’t admit when I’m wrong.
And speaking of appointments, I hope Ivanka doesn’t get mad but Jared will no longer be my advisor on any matters, whether it be COVID-19 or the middle east. He hasn’t gotten the job done but maybe it was my fault for counting on him as he has no experience in world affairs or science, that’s none, zippo, zilch, zero. Sorry Ivanka.
There are other issues that have caused a cleaving of our country and I admit that I often poured gas on the fire for political reasons. Well, no more. I will not stand by while innocent African Americans are gunned down in cold blood by police. This is a moral and not political problem and we can work together to revise the laws and hold troubling police accountable. Yes, my fellow Americans, black lives do matter.”
Those were a few excerpts of the president’s amazing address but no less amazing were the comments by his son-in-law and lead advisor, Jared Kushner, Rep. Jim Jordan, Mark and Patricia McCloskey and Kimberly Guilfoyle.
Kushner: “I welcome your support for my father in law and I do believe he will be a new kind of Donald Trump. And no, I am not upset about not being his confidant any more. He’s right, I am utterly unqualified to get the job done but I am also big enough to admit it for the sake of the country.”
Jordan: “We are a country that is tearing itself apart and I will join with the president in mending fences with the Democrats and that includes Joe Biden, who contrary to my previous comments, I believe may be the person to start the healing. As of this moment, I am relinquishing my role as the president’s pit bull.”
Mark McCloskey: “Tonight I stand in solidarity with Black Lives Matter and in memory of George Floyd, Eric Garner, Michael Brown, Tamir Rice, Walter Scott, Alton Sterling, Philando Castile, Stephon Clark, Breonna Taylor and all the other African Americans who were gunned down by racist police. And I will march with you and protest with you because you are on the side of justice.”
Guilfoyle: “Can we just tone down the volume and the rhetoric. You know that when people yell, nobody hears them and I just want to let you all know that Donald, that would be my boyfriend, and I are committed to returning to a civilized dialogue where all voices can be hears. Thank you.”
Oh, oh, it looks like I hit the parallel but opposite universe button on my remote. I’ve switched back to our universe and there really is nothing new to report. Never mind.