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Do’s and Don’t For a Healthy Life

Here is a list of a few things that you should try not to do because they could be dangerous to your health or the health of loved ones and might even kill you, if not paralyze you:

Don’t walk into a tiger’s lair with a steak hanging around your neck or for that matter don’t wear any kind of meat, even a piece of kielbasa, to a place where there might be hungry, unfriendly carnivores roaming about.

Don’t walk up to a King Cobra and spit in its face even if the King Cobra isn’t facing you and maybe not paying any attention to you because they are very fast.

Don’t drive the wrong way at 100 mph up Route 80 with your eyes closed while reaching down to change the radio station and adjusting your seat while singing “She Loves You” at the top of your lungs.

Don’t go into a cancer ward and begin sneezing willy nilly.

Don’t jump out of a plane without a parachute unless the plane hasn’t taken off yet in which case there is no danger.

Don’t refuse a tetanus shot and then jump on rusty nails and they puncture you skin, even once.

Don’t chew a big piece of meat fully before swallowing it, especially if you are alone and nobody is there to use the Heimlich maneuver, which may or may not save your life anyway.

Don’t buy a ticket for a trip on the Titanic, the Morro Castle, the Andrea Doria or the Space Shuttle Challenger or the Graf Zeppelin or Turkish Airlines Flight 981.

Don’t pet a black widow spider or a tarantula or a Gila monster if you happen to be touring the southwest and one crosses your path.

Don’t eat two-week old sushi with a green hue that you bought on sale at the 7–11 even if the kid at the counter says it is perfectly safe and tasty and the same goes for green bologna sandwiches.

Don’t keep running into brick walls and blaming others for the headaches and while you’re at it stop rolling a stone up hill and thinking you will ever reach the top.

Don’t wear a white hood and take a stroll through the South Bronx while singing songs about your love of the confederacy and southern rebels.

Don’t clean out ear wax with an awl and by the same token, don’t put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear which would be physically impossible.

Don’t stand your ground when facing the running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain, in fact, stay away from running bulls anywhere.

Don’t take an evening stroll in the country with anyone even slightly suspected of being a serial killer and if you’re at the airport, don’t accept an attache case that a stranger asks you to hold for a little while.

Don’t go to a ball game at Fenway Park wearing a Yankees hat, Yankees shirt and waving a Yankees banner while screaming “Go Bombers.”

Don’t walk into a crowded movie theater and yell “fire” even if you yell it in a foreign language because you never know if there may be many people in the theater who speak that language.

Don’t tie yourself to a railroad track even for a second.

Don’t eat yellow snow unless it’s really a lemon snow cone which while not tasty, won’t kill you.

Don’t walk in Central Park after dark or drive your motorcycle in the rain.

Don’t play Russian roulette.

Don’t take a ten foot walk off a three foot pier.

Don’t throw an aerosol can in a fire if you’re less than a foot away from it.

Don’t dive into a pool if there is no water in it even if it is an above ground pool and the weather is warm and you need to cool off.

Don’t tell a know it all that he doesn’t know what he or she is talking about if the know it all is large and looks very mean and may be carrying a weapon of some kind.

Don’t tell the surgeon that you haven’t had anything to eat or drink for 24 hours, if you really had a big meal and a lot to drink that morning.

Don’t even think about turning on Fox news.

And finally, the most dangerous thing of all for all living things known and unknown, DON’T VOTE FOR TRUMP.