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DQAnon Is Alive And Well

The ultra-right wing Republican crazies have QAnon, accusing Democrats of everything from running child sex rings and eating babies in the basement of pizza parlors to conspiring with the pope to take over the nation and get rid of Donald Trump.

Well, get ready, because a whole new series of conspiracies have been uncovered and this time, they involve the right wing Republicans and those who worship said right wing Republicans. And if you don’t believe it, Google DQAnon for proof.

It is called DQAnon (as in Democrat QAnon) and it has nothing to do with ice cream unless you mean exposing the super secret group of right wing Filipino nuns who have been meeting regularly in the basement of a small, out of the way ice cream parlor in Des Moines where they have been mapping out plans to poison the hors d’oeuvres at many Democratic prayer breakfasts.

And that is only the beginning of a very, very frightening array of extremely dangerous actions that are being cooked up right now, as we speak, in towns and hamlets across the land, all with the goal of keeping Donald Trump in office until 2028 when Donald Jr. is elected, keeping the dynasty going while the nation is reeling.

Start with Donald Trump who got it all wrong when he said a plane “loaded with thugs” in dark uniforms with various kinds of gear was headed to upend the Republican convention.

That’s not exactly what was going on but there was a plane loaded with overweight white Republican legislators in their 60s and 70s and wearing coats and ties and tiny American flag pins on their lapels who planned to storm an NFL game because they couldn’t get seats as all the tickets were sold out and kill the players who were taking a knee to bring attention to the Black Lives Matter movement.

The president has also claimed that some “very stupid rich people” continue to fund protests against the killings of unarmed black men by racist police across the U.S.

Well, again the president has his facts discombobulated, something that he is prone to do all the time without even knowing it and without any of his frightened sycophants being willing to point it out to him.

There is an organized effort to infiltrate, poison and destabilize the protests but they are not being led by “very stupid, rich people” and billionaire George Soros but rather by Bernie Marcus, the very stupid, rich co-founder of Home Depot, who has been working in close concert with a cadre of some of the top graduates of Trump University who are hell bent on showing that all of the protesters are distant relatives of Mao.

Now, we get into some really, really freaky stuff that is also very disturbing and it involves claims that Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, along with Oprah Winfrey, Tom Hanks, Ellen DeGeneres, Pope Francis and the Dalai Lama are being controlled by a deep state of incredibly powerful and nearly invisible men and women who all brag that they have never read a book from cover to cover.

Again, QAnon has it all backwards. It isn’t Joe Biden et al who are controlled but rather Trump, Senate Majority Leader Mitch (The Turtle) McConnell and a powerful and utterly unhinged Republican senator from somewhere out west who has said that the COVID-19 pandemic is the best thing ever.

The puppeteers pulling the strings include none other than Captain Kangaroo who people think died a long time ago but is very much alive; a man who looks just like Anthony Newley; and an old woman who has never really been identified but is believed to be the second cousin of the fifth daughter of the king and queen of a small kingdom north of France.

And there is also not a scintilla of evidence to back up claims that Satan-worshiping pedophiles who eat their victims in order to extract a life-extending chemical from their blood are plotting to overthrow Trump. That is totally ass backwards or back asswords as my mother would say.

There is, however, an abundance of evidence leaked by a number of anonymous sources in and around the administration, that a sprawling compact of warriors from the planet Xena is willing and ready to lead a revolt they have already dubbed “Shock and Awe” in the event that Biden is elected president and Trump begins a multi-year prison sentence for various tax fraud and campaign violation charges. It is ridiculous to insinuate that these Xenaphobes eat Democrats to get their blood when the truth is that said Xenaphobes are strictly vegans.

The QAnon folks have claimed that the COVID-19 pandemic was part of a biochemical attack by China in close cooperation with Bill Gates, who is intent on controlling the minds of everyone who has a mind worth controlling and that is actually not very many minds, at least in the White House and most of the red states.

The truth is that the pandemic actually was spawned accidentally during experiments conducted deep in the bowels below the White House by scientists who were appointed by Trump and therefore had absolutely no professional credentials whose goal was to create a new species of canapes that would go good with rye crackers.

And that my friends is just the tip of the iceberg.

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Journalist for 40 years and now a creative writer

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Phil Garber

Phil Garber

Journalist for 40 years and now a creative writer

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