I’ll Take Frankenstein
Over All the Rest
“Frankenstein” will always be my favorite monster, I always loved those little silver posts that stick out from his neck and that cute scar along the top of his head and that small, endearing smile when he met that little girl at the lake and then got scared when he threw her in and she didn’t float like the flowers. And Fritz was a wonderful person, especially when the well-meaning but intellectually-challenged assistant to Dr. Frankenstein dropped the good brain and grabbed the evil brain, and it wasn’t his fault because he got scared by a loud sound. Dr. Frankenstein was actually the name of the mad scientist who created the monster though most people call the monster, Frankenstein. The scientist meant well, it just didn’t turn out how he had planned, which was to create life that would live eternally and make a great contribution to humanity. And when the monster cringed from fire, I could feel it in my bones, it was that creepy and why would anyone blame a monster who was created without his approval. It was never going to work with the bride because she couldn’t stand looking at her monster and who could blame her when the first thing she sees upon coming to life from scattered bits and pieces of other people is a giant guy, dressed all in black, with really thick boots and a weird smile that said please love me, I am so lonely and pathetic. We know how that worked out.
Of course the best part was when the monster’s inanimate, dead body is lifted by a series of chains and ropes and pulleys to the top of the castle to be energized by lightning and when he is lowered and the good doctor sees his creation move his big fingers and the doctor cries out, “It’s alive, it’s alive” and it doesn’t get any better than that in any film, ever.
The Frankenstein monster was better than the wolfman, although Lawrence Talbott was an appealing guy, in a strange sort of way, until the moon came out and he went a bit off his rocker and killed people if he could and then when the day light arrived, Lawrence was repentant and so sad and so angry because he knew there was nothing he could do when the next moon came out, other than be shot by a silver bullet, which did happen and ended Larry’s agony, thank God.
I like Frankenstein better than Dracula, even though I felt badly that the blood sucking vampire had to sleep in his cold, dark casket which contained the dirt from his native Transylvania. You never do see his fangs, which I guess was because the film makers thought it would be too gruesome and would keep viewers away but I always felt it was wrong to conceal the cardinal reason for the vampire’s eternal life and that would be those teeth which would draw the lifeblood of pretty women who would then turn into his slaves and that is probably a tad more offensive than fangs. Even Dracula had a lighter side, though I would have liked to know his first name or maybe he was someone like Pele or Sting or Cher who became famous with just their first names. And then again, I get back to the Frankenstein monster, and not only did he not have a first name, he also had no last name and no name at all, unless you count monster and why couldn’t the monster pick a name, like Walter.
I like Frankenstein more than the creature from the black lagoon, who never really looked like a monster but more like some guy dressed in a Halloween monster costume although I have to say it is pretty, darn frightening to think that a monster lives all alone in the dark waters and surfaces to kill you and isn’t that a good reason not to go swimming or fishing in places unfamiliar to you.
I like Frankenstein more than the thing, I mean the original thing where you never really see the monster but only the sight of some figure running away in the frigid north or the blurred image of him when he’s found encased in ice. I thought what a great thing it would be for the scientists to speak with the alien thing, learn about his upbringing, his family, his culture but no, the scientists and their colleagues were hell bent on destroying the visitor who arrived through no fault of his own.
I like Frankenstein better than the blob because I prefer monsters with faces and the blob was just a blob, although it was pretty powerful as blobs go and the best part had to be Steve McQueen’s role because if there’s anyone I would want to protect me from a blob, it would be Steve McQueen because he wouldn’t back down from anyone.
I like Frankenstein better than Dr. Caligari, although I confess that I have no idea who he was, other than that he liked cabinets.
I like Frankenstein better than Godzilla and Rodan and Mothra, who I lump all in the same basic category, that of a creature that wreaks havoc and is not human or even human-like. Godzilla, particularly, was a mighty figure especially when the humans talk and the words are a fraction of a second late, like when Raymond Burr calls for everyone to flee from the approaching assault by Godzilla.
I like Frankenstein with Boris Karloff as the star, better than the mummy, which co-starred Karloff, who I think was probably the greatest actor of all time. The mummy had a limp which gave him a measure of sympathy from me and his wrappings seemed always ready to unwrap and he could have tripped and fallen but mummies live forever and he would have been OK until the queen he sought was killed or something like that.
I like Frankenstein better than the invisible man although I don’t understand why the invisible man was considered to be monstrous when he didn’t look frightening because you couldn’t see him but I do acknowledge that he killed people because being invisible drove him mad. I have a similar mindset for Mr. Hyde who was monster-like when he transformed from the well-meaning, Dr. Jekyll but who once again was nothing more than a victim of those around him who couldn’t stand the fact that he portrayed the dark side that is in all of us.
I like Frankenstein better than King Kong or his rip off cousin, Mighty Joe Young, and I really liked the ending when the eighth wonder of the world courageously climbs the Empire State Building while tenderly holding Fay Wray very carefully after he has picked off her clothes. I felt great sympathy when the biplanes kept shooting at him until he realized there was no future being a giant gorilla in New York City and rather than keep fighting, he took the honorable way out and jumped off to his death.
Of course there many other appealing monsters and maybe the commonality among them all was that I knew it could never happen in the real world which is why I don’t like movies about people with chainsaws or weird, knife-like fingers, who lop off the heads of unsuspecting young people, particularly pretty blondes, because this is getting a little too close to reality for my money.
I liked the monster in Frankenstein because he was so vulnerable and so abused and so misunderstood and so lonely and so angry. I could identify but I guess that is why people like monster movies and they don’t make them like they used to. Today, reality is scarier than any monster movie I ever saw and I really never want to see another guy with orange hair running the government.