Photo by Nikita Karimov on Unsplash

May Palin Have The Same Success

As The Memorable Pluto Nash

From coining the phrase “death panels,” to referring to our “North Korean allies,” Sarah Palin, that moose hunting, Bible thumping, creationist-supporting, out of fashion aviator glasses-wearing darling of the ignorant right is back and running for congress in her home state of Alaska.
We can only hope that trump’s endorsement of Palin is a kiss of death and that her political comeback is as successful as the 2002 film, “The Adventures of Pluto Nash,” starring Eddie Murphy about a man in the future who struggles to keep his lunar nightclub out of the hands of the Mafia. The forgettable, regrettable film grossed $4.42 million, a huge loss against its $100 million budget.
We wish Palin as much success as Muhammad Ali, when he returned to the squared circle at age 34 and was summarily whooped by Larry Holmes or Bjorn Borg who tried to come back at the age of 34 and was pummeled in a match with the memorable Jordi Arrese of Spain.
Palin was a former Alaska governor when she burst on the national scene in 2008 after Sen. John McCain named her as his vice presidential Republican running mate for president. The year was ignominious in another way as it was the first season of The Celebrity Apprentice, hosted by one, donald trump. McCain lost and Palin has been absent from Alaska politics since she resigned as governor in 2009 and now, nearly 14 years later, she is running to replace the late Rep. Don Young for Alaska’s sole seat in the House of Representatives.
“America is at a tipping point,” Palin said. “As I’ve watched the far left destroy the country, I knew I had to step up and join the fight.”
In many ways, Palin is a perfect candidate of the day as PolitiFact awarded its 2009 “Lie of the Year” to Palin for her claim that the Affordable Care Act or Obamacare would create “death panels.” During an appearance on the Glenn Beck radio show, she referred to “our North Korean allies” and later said that creationism should be taught in schools. And famously, she said she had the right foreign policy cred because Russia was near her home state of Alaska. To give the devil her due, contrary to a common belief, Palin never said, “I can see Russia from my house!” That remark was made by comedian Tina Fey while impersonating Palin on Saturday Night Live (SNL).
A couple of good things about Palin’s latest is that she could reintroduce such groundbreaking items as her 2008 campaign button showing her with deep cleavage, aiming a rifle, with the words “My Lipstick Change is Coming.” Or maybe that hugely-successful “Sarah Palin Gun Refrigerator Toolbox Magnet” and in advance of Halloween a “Sarah Palin Sash and Glasses Costume Kit,” with a two-sided sash with Miss Alaska printed on front and Vice President on back, even though she was never Miss Alaska, although she did finish third in 1984 behind the winner, Maryline Blackburn. Palin did win the title of “Miss Congeniality” and played the flute in the talent portion of the contest.
And still available on Amazon, for just $9.87, is Palin’s 2013 book, “Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas” in which she “laments the over-commercialization and homogenization of Christmas in today’s society” and writes of the importance of “preserving Jesus Christ in Christmas — in public displays, school concerts, pageants, and our expressions to one another other.”
Palin or her speech writer came up with the phrase “death panel” in 2009 to describe rationing of care as part of Obama’s proposed health care reform. As a sign of her ignorance or her despicable ability to put politics over human lives, she said incorrectly that the reforms would require Americans with disabled children “‘to stand in front of Obama’s ‘death panel’ so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their ‘level of productivity in society,’ whether they are worthy of health care.” It never happened.
Speaking at the 2014 meeting of CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference), she offered this sage advice on how Obama should deal with Russian President Vladimir Putin.
“Mr. President, the only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke,” said Palin, whose advice was fortunately ignored and the world did not have another world war, yet.
If you love oil and have little need for laws to protect the environment, Palin is your woman. Palin was a big supporter of increased drilling for oil and natural-gas in Alaska, including drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR), a huge pristine area that is home to various endangered species.
Speaking at a 2010 California logging conference, Palin called studies on global climate change “snake oil science.” She considered environmental regulations as an economic burden to businesses trying to recover from the recession and environmental activists as wanting to “lock up the land.”
She also jumped on a Harley Davidson at a 2011 gathering of motorcycle riders in Washington, D.C., proclaiming to the bikers, “I love that smell of the emissions!”
Palin also was the keynote speaker on Feb. 6, 2010, at the first Tea Party convention in Nashville, Tenn., where she said the movement is “the future of politics in America” and she was sadly, right.
By 2015, Palin was criticizing President Obama for the way he tied his shoes. She also said in a speech of her opposition to the Iran nuclear weapons treaty, noting, as only Palin could note, “Only in an Orwellian Obama world full of sparkly fairy dust blown from atop his unicorn as he’s peeking through a pretty pink kaleidoscope would he ever see victory or safety for America or Israel in this treaty.”
And nobody can forget the famous “Bridge to Nowhere,” referring to the debacle of a plan concocted in 2002 by Palin’s predecessors to close the auto ferry and build a bridge between the mainland and a prison on the Alaskan island of Ketchikan. The plan to spend $250 million on the bridge was delayed after opposition by local residents and by the then-governor.
But the bridge idea persisted and in 2006, Palin ran for governor and supported the plans. While the bridge plan floundered, Palin spent $26 million in transportation funding for the planned three-mile access road on the island that was ultimately unneeded. After she was elected, Palin cancelled the bridge plan although the state did not return the $442 million in federal transportation funds it had received.
And another timeless quote from Palin, also known as Caribou Barbie, Jane Six-Pack, Sarah Barracuda (or Sarahcuda) or Bible Spice, “Only dead fish go with the flow.” Roll that over in your mind a few times.
Palin opposes same-sex marriage and abortion and supports capital punishment. Palin supports the right to own guns and is against any ban on semi-automatic assault weapons, although she dos want gun safety education taught to young people.
If Palin is elected to Congress, she may just be able to stand shoulder to shoulder with the man who is behind her, probably the worst president ever, who lost the popular vote in two national elections, was impeached twice, has been an accomplice to the mass murder of over 400,000 Americans and counting due to his reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic, the coronavirus and he incited an insurrection against the government of the United States. Palin and trump, perfect together.



Journalist for 40 years and now a creative writer

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