Stay Out of My Bedroom
And Keep Up the Protection
I’m not minimizing how shitty it is for a man to remove his condom without telling his lover but I can’t see how the new California law against so-called “stealthing” can be enforced.
I understand the seriousness of the issue because unannounced removal of a condom could lead to unwanted pregnancy or contracting a sexually transmitted disease.
I suppose that women and men could be encouraged to install hidden cameras in their bedrooms and that anyone reporting a stealthy condom removal could qualify for a $10,000 payment. To be fair, the new law should also have a very stiff, excuse the pun, penalty for a woman lying about either being on birth control pills or wearing an IUD, or having her period, to be fair. And discovery of said violation also could result in a $10,000 reward to the finder of the violation.
Was the law a sop to women by male legislators who claim to be enlightened and sensitive and if so, it’s so transparently silly as to be insulting. It cannot be enforced, period. How could you prove that a person secretly removed a condom when the defense could be “I didn’t realize it fell off” or “I knew it was too big but I was so caught up in the moment of ecstasy that at that special moment it fell off and it was the last thing on my mind at the moment” or “my partner should have felt it coming off and interrupted the act until I put it back on” or “I didn’t mean it.”
I don’t think many people would disagree that removing a condom without letting the partner know is a sleazy, dishonest and downright irresponsible thing to do. But it just doesn’t make sense that you can get people to be responsible to realize that they can’t just rip off the thing without risking a lawsuit. A man who would sneakily strip away the protection is probably not going to be dissuaded by a possible lawsuit. And why would a woman want to have anything to do with anyone who would do such a lousy thing is beyond me.
Rather than putting even a nano-second of work into such laws, the state and other states around the country should join to defeat the Texas abortion ban along with similar bans being considered throughout the redness of the U.S. Now, that would be a real benefit to women throughout the nation.
California Gov. Gavin Newsom signed the new condom removal law yesterday, which makes it a civil offense under state law for someone to remove a condom without their partner’s consent. A California Assemblywoman, Cristina Garcia, said she sponsored the bill after reading law student Alexandra Brodsky’s law journal article on the topic in 2017, which has since triggered wider discussion on stealthing.
An NPR story reported that a 2018 survey of patients at a sexual health clinic in Melbourne, Australia, found that 32 percent of women and 19 percent of men who have sex with men had experienced stealthing.
The thing is that lawmakers aren’t necessarily the brightest bulbs on the marquee and they don’t always or ever act simply to benefit the public but rather most consider all the potential political ramifications, effects on campaign donations and how their barber and their spouse feels before actually considering what would be best.
Consider the laws prohibiting fireworks. I remember being caught setting off firecrackers in my friend’s backyard and the cops came, threatened to tell our parents and confiscated the firecrackers which they probably set off in their own backyards as part of their July 4 celebrations. Or on the subject of speeding, I never understood why there is a 55 mph posted limit and everyone is going at least 70 mph and the State Trooper on the side of the road simply continues eating his doughnuts.
To prove my point, here are a slew of stinky laws that aren’t just dumb but are just about unenforceable.
In Alabama, it is against the law to sell or use stink bombs or anything else that creates a bad odor, and that would apparently include the mechanic who hasn’t bathed in a month or he or she who has taken in too much beans. And what defines stinky anyway, I mean, I like the smell of cow dung but others find it offensive and likewise the odor of brussel sprouts which are delightful to some and downright disgusting to others.
In Arkansas, honking a car horn near a sandwich shop after 9 p.m. is verboten and call in the noise police. Again I assume the only way to enforce it is to have one police officer assigned to every car, truck, motorcycle, moped or bicycle. And what exactly is a sandwich shop, is it Mickey D’s where you can get a chicken sandwich, is it Gino’s pizza parlor where they sell meatball sandwiches or is it your grandmother’s home where she makes the most scrumptious pickled egg sandwiches? It’s simply too much to put on the ears of the police, who are already busy fighting an outbreak of stink bombs. And lastly why 9 p.m., is it because the mayor goes to sleep at 9 and his wife beat him with a wet noodle into enacting the new legislation.
In Delaware, talking and even whispering in church is a violation apparently because it could disturb others who are trying to worship but many people are hard of hearing, like me, and others might just be whispering something about a premarital affair or it could be a fellow congregant simply is trying to tell someone that a big spider is crawling on his leg. Again, it’s just too subjective and I couldn’t imagine what an investigation would look like.
In Florida, keep off the masks or hoods that cover your face in public. Halloween is apparently out and so are religious observances by devout Muslims and prohibited are those teenagers who wear hoodies because it is cool. I understand that the concern is that people will cover their faces and proceed on rampant crime sprees, bringing fear to all and a crashing economy in the sale of masks and hoods. But taking the fun out of Halloween is too low even for a politician. And what about wearing gas masks in event of a gas attack or putting on the mask in Phantom of the Opera? Stupid is as stupid does.
In Georgia, don’t even think about eating your fried chicken with a knife and fork. Use your fingers or face the consequences of violating a law that was instituted to publicize the great fried chicken in Gainseville, Fla. How about billboards or other advertising.
And as far as peeling rubber, otherwise called tire screeching, it’s illegal in Kansas because it would disturb the peace. What happens if you have to slam on the breaks to avoid killing the old lady crossing the street without looking and it makes a screech or whether it would be against the law if you had a blow out and while trying to keep the car under control and not to slam into the old lady’s friend, you make noise again. What about that?
You want more? It is not allowed to take someone else’s crayfish in Louisiana. You do it and you could face six months in the pokey and a fine of more than $500 and I do understand how crayfish are a delicacy and sought after in the Cajun State. Take more than $1,500 worth of crayfish, and the penalties go as high as 10 years in prison and $3,000 in fines. I suggest you keep your hands to yourself when around crayfish.
Here’s a real winner. No swearing in public in Maryland but what is a swear word apart from the ones that we all know. Is it swearing to call someone a dirty, rotten bum or to tell someone their mother wears combat boots. Obscenity is in the mouth of the beholder and police have no right to be in anyone’s mouth.
It’s illegal to have a pet rat in Montana but you can raise rats to feed birds of prey and reptiles. Police now have to be schooled in telling the difference between a pet rat and a rat being raised as a treat for other animals.
Don’t pick seaweed off the beach in New Hampshire because seaweed is valuable and is harvested and stealing it would take away from someone’s livelihood but I doubt seaweed theft could be proven when all a person needs to say is that it got stuck in his shoes when he was walking along the beach.
There’s lots more but you get the point.