Phil Garber
5 min readSep 22, 2021

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Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Trump 2024

Dumb Like a Fox

Please, do not write off trump for 2024 unless you still can’t believe that he was the president for four years, which he was, unfortunately and to the great duress, pain and embarrassment of the many who thought he was an unelectable clown of reality television, except for the millions who voted for him.

That leads me to the intellectual levels of the average or below average American and it is a very low level, maybe third grade or thereabouts and that may be overstating the fact, but in any event, it is too low for most Americans to attempt to read and then actually understand the fairly elaborate strategy that trump or someone who backs trump has come up with to win his reelection in 2024. If you don’t believe me, I defy you to get all the way through one of those long analysis stories in the Washington Post or New York Times. You will get lost in the wonk of it all and quickly turn to the story about the hunt for Brian Laundrie, who is believed to have murdered his fiance, Gabby Petito, and left her body in a Wyoming national forest. Or maybe you will quickly page to the story about a mother and daughter who gave a woman illegal buttocks injections, and she then died.

Murder, wife, national forest, buttocks injections, now these are concepts that are simple to grasp.

Not to bore you, although I know this will bore you, but the people you need to keep your eyes on, the most important relative unknowns in the country who may lead Gen. Bone Spurs back to the White House, include Sarah Sanders, Ryan Zinke, Mo Brooks, Derrick Van Orden, Mark Finchem, Matthew DePerno, Kristina Karamo, Herschel Walker, Adam Laxalt, Ted Budd, Sean Parnell, Kelly Tshibaka, Anna Paulina Luna, Burt Jones and Jody Hice.

What do you think is the common thread linking all of these trumpers? Could they all be former professional football players? No, that only includes Walker. Could they all be former Rockettes?No because that would eliminate Zinke,Van Orden, Finchem, DePerno, Laxalt, Budd and Jones. Maybe they are all MENSA members? No that would eliminate all of them. What they all have in common is that all are running for state and federal offices and all are campaigning with all the gusto they can muster on the madman’s belief that trump was defeated only because of massive voter fraud, the theory that refuses to die, no matter how many times it is debunked, no matter how many experts reject it, no matter who believes it is nothing more than a figment of the trumpers’ massive imagination.

The bad hair man’s strategy or the strategy crafted by someone close to him is to support trumpers and those who would “Stop the Steal,” a moronic jumble of words if there ever was one. Most of these people are running for the offices of secretary of state in key red states and others are running for positions in Congress. And why are secretaries of state so important? Is it because they can independently change a state’s bird, or that they hold great sway over the location of the governors’ homes? No, it is because trump or someone close to him who is really smart or thinks he is really smart, believes that a secretary of state beholden to trump would have to the power to settle future election disputes in favor of trump or in other words, they would be able to declare trump a winner, even if he is clearly a loser, yet again, and put him right back into the White House, yet again. And why are those other candidates for congressional seats so important? Because they will have a national bullhorn to continue the “Stop the Steal” conspiracy.

Let’s look at these people who have been blessed with Bone Spurs’ endorsement, something that you and I may think is a kiss of death, a knock out, a clincher to give trump a rousing beating but in fact, the endorsement may mean a victory for those who play to the basest reactions and the most infantile thought processes.

The trump-lovers include such trusting MAGA-loving, democracy destroying loyalists as Sanders, the former White House press secretary known for her sneering and bold faced lies; Zinke, the former interior secretary who resigned amid ethics investigations; and Brooks the Alabama congressman who is being sued for comments he made to rile up the crazies at the pro-trump rally on Jan. 6, just before the attacks on the Capitol.

In addition to trump’s endorsement, Van Orden is running for Congress in Wisconsin and has the backing of three major trumpers, Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (Calif.), Whip Steve Scalise (La.) and Conference Chair Elise Stefanik (N.Y.). A former Navy SEAL, Van Orden generated some heat in his book where he notes that he once surprised two women in a hospital ward by showing them a lieutenant’s swollen genitals, which he told the women was a “ball sack huge as a cantaloupe”.

Finchem, running for Arizona secretary of state, is a member of the militia group Oath Keepers and a sworn backer of the “Stop the Steal” absurdity. Finchem tweeted the day of the riot that it’s “what happens when … Congress refuses to acknowledge rampant fraud.”

DePerno is a candidate for Michigan attorney general and is a lawyer who also is a delusional “Stop the Stealer” and who has been behind a series of ridiculous lawsuits to overturn the 2020 election. Karamo, another wacko, is running for Michigan secretary of state and she was a poll watcher who claimed trump won Michigan.

You probably heard about Walker, running for the Georgia seat in the U.S. Senate, who is a huge promoter of trump’s big lie, is accused of threatening his ex-wife and others, has filed for bankruptcy and has been diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder.

Laxalt is running for Senate from Nevada and he has told anyone stupid enough to listen that thousands of dead people voted and others cast ballots illegally.

Rep. Ted Budd, R-N.C., a candidate for Senate in North Carolina, was among a handful of loyal trumpers who refused to certify the electoral votes for the presidency.

Parnell, a candidate for Pennsylvania’s U.S. Senate seat, joined with two other honorable Republicans to prevent counting most mail ballots in Pennsylvania, an effort that fell flat on its face.

Tshibaka is running for U.S. Senate from Alaska and once wrote in support of an “ex-gay” Christian organization that promoted discredited “conversion therapy” and said that homosexuality was caused by “sexual molestation during childhood.”

Luna, a candidate for Congress from Florida, said the 2020 election was fixed because of compromised software, which by the way was never corroborated.

Jones, running for lieutenant governor for Georgia, got the endorsement of trump who said Jones is a “Patriot” and that he will “always stand up for America First” and is a “conservative warrior.”

Hice, running for secretary of state in Georgia, claimed as many as one in 10 Georgia votes was phony and we are still waiting for the evidence, which experts insist doesn’t exist.

So there are the best the trumpers have to offer and I believe they all have bad breath.

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Phil Garber

Journalist for 40 years and now a creative writer