Photo by Mika Baumeister on Unsplash

Walker, Tuberville In Race To The Bottom, But Cruz Is Untouchable

If the gods are taking a snooze and are not watching and Herschel Walker is elected to the U.S. Senate, the odds are he will be the dumbest, least qualified lawmaker in that august chamber that is tasked with making decisions that can impact all of mankind.
But Walker won’t be the most hated because that title will go once again, for the umpteenth time, to the Cancun hopping Senator from the loopy state of Texas, Ted Cruz.
Cruz was labeled “Lucifer in the flesh” and “jackass” by former House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio. Sen. Lindsay Graham, R-S.C, joked in a serious way, “If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you.”
Cruz’s freshman year roommate at Princeton, Craig Mazin, had some choice recollections about the senator before he was a senator. Mazin, a screenwriter, knows about scary people and situations, having created an award-winning HBO miniseries “Chernobyl” based on the nuclear disaster in 1986. Mazin also wrote the scripts for “Scary Movie 3,” “Scary Movie 4” and “Superhero Movie.”
Mazin recalled that Cruz “endlessly hit the snooze button,” that he startled and weirded out female peers by hanging around their hallway in a bathrobe, and “had SERIOUS body odor issues.” Other Princeton classmates haven’t been much kinder, calling Cruz “abrasive,” “intense,” “strident,” “arrogant,” and a “crank.” The late Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., dubbed Cruz a “wacko bird.”
And Cruz said he was aware of but not effected by his reputation.
“I will acknowledge that when I’m in the Senate dining room I’ve sometimes wondered if I need a food taster,” he said at a campaign event in Iowa in October. 2015.
Getting back to Walker, the former great football player was a difficult choice for dumbest, least qualified lawmaker as the pick was a toss up with that other gridiron genius, Sen. Tommy Tuberville, R-Ala. And that is after having considered such supremely, uninspiring and bile-inducing legislators like Rep. Marjorie “Lasers” Taylor Greene, R-Ga., Rep. Matt “Chuckie Lookalike” Gaetz, R-Fla. and Rep. Lauren “I’m Packing” Boeber, R-Color.
So what is so bad about Walker? Let me count the ways.
* He was endorsed by trump and is a friend of trump, maybe the only one, need I say more.
* He wants any abortion illegal, even in cases of rape, incest or the life of the mother. And this when in past years, he allegedly pressured at least two women he’d impregnated to undergo abortions.
* He has demonized transgendered people, as when he said, “The definition of a woman is written in my Bible, and it says: man and woman.”
* He cannot bring himself to believe in evolution because if it is true, he said, then why are there still apes among us.
* He admitted that he nearly killed his wife and most recently, an ex-girlfriend has come forward with accusations that Walker once attacked her in a wild rage after she caught him with another woman while they were dating.
* Two days after a gunman killed 19 children and two teachers at an elementary school in Uvalde, Texas, Walker told Fox that he had a novel answer to stopping gun violence.
“Cain killed Abel and that’s a problem that we have. What we need to do is look into how we can stop those things. You know, you talked about doing a disinformation — what about getting a department that can look at young men that’s looking at women that’s looking at their social media. What about doing that? Looking into things like that and we can stop that that way. But yet they want to just continue to talk about taking away your constitutional rights. And I think there’s more things we need to look into. This has been happening for years and the way we stop it is putting money into the mental health field, by putting money into other departments rather than departments that want to take away your rights.” Yes, he said it.
* And like his bad hair mentor, Walker is a pathological lying liar, lying about owning businesses that didn’t exist, lying about the number of children he has barely fathered, lying about graduating in the top 1 percent of his college class when he never graduated and lying about being a trained FBI agent.
* He believes in vampires as he said when drawing parallels between running for office and the blood suckers.
“I don’t know if you know, but vampires are some cool people, are they not?” he said. “Let me tell you something that I found out: a werewolf can kill a vampire.” And that is why Walker said he no longer wanted to be a vampire but now “I wanna be a werewolf.”
* He lived in Texas when he began campaigning to represent the Peach State in Congress.
So what is so bad about Tommy Tuberville, other than his name which sounds like Hooterville?
Granted, he was a heck of a college football coach but he was never been elected to anything before he got to the senate.
A good old boy who loves NASCAR, golf, football, hunting and fishing, America’s military and country and western music, Tuberville was the winning head football coach at Auburn University from 1999 to 2008. He was also the head football coach at the University of Mississippi from 1995 to 1998, Texas Tech University from 2010 to 2012, and the University of Cincinnati from 2013 to 2016.

Trump has some strong feelings about football and as usual, Tuberville has trump to thank for his ticket to the Senate. And Tuberville knows not to bite the hand that feeds as he already endorsed trump to win the 2024 election. He had some strange reasons but who needs reasons, anyway.
“You know what you’re getting with President Trump,” said Tuberville. “He doesn’t have to learn the ropes. He knows the ropes. He won’t be running again (in 2028). I like someone who will come in and say, ‘Listen, I don’t care. I will do what’s good for America.’”
If not for Jeff Sessions, Tuberville would still be educating halfbacks and quarterbacks. Sessions was a U.S. Senator from Alabama when he was tabbed by trump to be the U.S. Attorney General. As fast as a southern jackrabbit, Sessions fell out of favor with trump when he recused himself from the ongoing Justice Department probe into Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election.
Trump blamed Sessions for not killing the department of justice’s probe into the Russia links and he was so livid that he made it utterly untenable for Sessions to remain as attorney general. After the November 2018 election, Trump fired Sessions.
And as we all know, trump carries grudges to untested limits and so he continued to seek ways to further destroy Sessions. That opportunity came in 2020 when Sessions filed as a candidate to return to the Senate. With trump’s endorsement and crude attacks against Sessions, Tuberville won the GOP primary, essentially by campaigning that he would support trump forever and Sessions wouldn’t.
Tuberville defeated Sessions, 61 percent to 39 percent, sending trump into paroxysms of unfettered joy. Just before the election, in true trumpian form, trump tweeted “3 years ago, after Jeff Sessions recused himself, the Fraudulent Mueller Scam began. Alabama, do not trust Jeff Sessions. He let our Country down. That’s why I endorsed Coach Tommy Tuberville (@TTuberville), the true supporter of our #MAGA agenda!”
With former White House press secretary Sean Spicer a member of Tuberville’s campaign staff, Tuberville ran a low profile campaign with few campaign appearances or press conferences. He clearly defeated Democrat Doug Jones in the general election.
“I want to do what’s best for President Trump and the people of Alabama and the people of this country,” Tuberville said in a groveling way.
And that is how a football coach with no government experience became a U.S. Senator or how trump turned a lump of clay into a bigger lump of clay.
Tuberville is among the Republican legislators who went whole hog behind trump’s months-long attempted coup during the 2020 presidential election and culminating in the Jan. 6, 2021 insurrection at the Capitol.
In the days leading up to the Jan. 6, 2021, congressional certification of the election, Tuberville said he would object to the inclusion of some states from the certification, which would have disenfranchised millions of voters and amplified lies, conspiracy theories, and bizarre legal theories about purported fraud.
On Jan. 6, 2021, in the hours after the insurrection at the Capitol, Tuberville voted to reject the state-certified election results of Arizona and/or Pennsylvania (states narrowly won by Democrats), which could have changed the outcome of the election.
In February 2022, Tuberville dismissed “ridiculous” proposals to ban lawmakers from trading stocks. According to Business Insider, Tuberville violated the STOCK Act 132 times in 2021 when he filed nearly 130 of his stock disclosures weeks or months late even though he is a member of the Senate Health Committee and trades pandemic-sensitive stocks. Tuberville, a critic of China’s government, traded stock options of Chinese e-commerce giant Alibaba.
A classic Tuberville moment of racism came during an Oct. 8, rally for trump in Nevada. Tuberville took the dais and claimed that Democrats were “pro-crime” and that Democrats favor reparations for the descendants of people who were enslaved in the U.S. because they believe “the people that do the crime are owed that.”
“They’re not soft on crime. They’re pro-crime. They want crime,” Tuberville said of Democrats. “They want crime because they want to take over what you got. They want to control what you have. They want reparations because they think the people that do the crime are owed that. Bulls**t. They are not owed that.”
The question is whether Tuberville is a racist or whether he just doesn’t like people of color. He would have something to say on that.
I must give credit to the blog,, which, in its July 22, 2022 edition, compiled a list of “40 Tommy Tuberville Quotes That He Actually Said.” Including:
Tuberville exposed his lack of knowledge about history and government in a November 2020 interview. The Senator-elect was answering a question about whether the Republicans would use their majority in the Senate to pass legislation. Tuberville said he didn’t care “if you’re a Republican or Democrat” and that he’s been given a mandate to help people.
“Our government wasn’t set up for one group to have all three branches of government — wasn’t set up that way,” Tuberville continued. “You know, the House, the Senate, and the executive.”
Oops, the three branches are the executive, legislative and the judiciary.
On a question over how a Biden administration would govern, Tuberville said he was concerned that President-elect Joe Biden had promoted a vision that Tuberville claimed “leads more to a socialist type of government.”
“That’s concerning to me, that we’re to the point now where we’ve got almost half the country voting for something that this country wasn’t built on,” Tuberville said. “I tell people, my dad fought 76 years ago in Europe to free Europe of socialism.”
Another oops. The allies fought to defeat the Nazis and worldwide fascism and not to defeat socialism. Actually, the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics fought alongside the United States as part of the Allied powers.
Not finished, Tuberville noted that former Vice President Al Gore, who was the Democratic presidential nominee in 2000, was called the president-elect for 30 days during the legal battle over a recount in Florida. Not really. Neither Gore nor Republican nominee George W. Bush were considered the president-elect during the process, as neither were determined to have clearly won enough votes to secure the presidency.
In offering his expert observation about COVID-19 and impeachment, Tuberville said, “Well, we have the worst pandemic in my lifetime, and we’re worrying about impeaching a guy that’s only going to be there seven more days. Makes no sense to me.” You’re right Tommy, it makes no sense to me either but then much of your babble makes no sense.
And there were his comments on how to get the country back on track and in full MAGA mode.
“But I am telling you if we will follow God, family, and education, we will get this country on the right track again,” Tuberville said.
Want more Tubervilleisms that make Dan Quayle look positively MENSA material?
“Everybody wants to make an opinion, and that’s fine.”
“I’m pro-life. The thing about it — there’s not just Alabama. There’s other states across the country making these tough decisions. And it’s really not a tough decision. It’s about life or death. We’ve killed 60 million babies in the last 45 years — 60 million. I mean, what the heck is going on? People need to open their eyes and just think a little bit about what we’re doing. We’re supposed to be a civilized country. We’re thinking sometimes that we’ve got all the answers. But we got too much government involvement.”
In conclusion, Tuberville said he planned to use his new Senate office to fundraise for the two Republican senators from Georgia. Excuse me but political fundraising out of a federal office building, and using official federal resources for campaign purposes, is barred by Senate ethics rules.



Journalist for 40 years and now a creative writer

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