Phil Garber
3 min readAug 2, 2021
Photo by Anne Nygård on Unsplash

Will the Real Moron Please Stand Up

All Takers Will Be Considered

I’m sorry, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., you are just wrong, Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, R-Calif., is not a moron, well he is but he’s not THE moron.

Sen. Ron Johnson, R-Wis., is a moron, make that an addlepate.

No he’s not, make that Charlie Kirk is a moron or maybe you’d prefer blockhead.

Wait, Rep. Paul Gosar, R-Ariz., Rep. Matt Gaetz R-Fla., Marjorie Taylor-Greene, R-Ga., Louie Gohmert, R-Texas, Bob Good, R-Va. and Andy Biggs, R-Ariz., are the real morons or should I say dolts.

Can’t forget Greg Locke, a real, card-carrying moron, mental defective is more to the point.

And Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., now there’s a boob.

Oh what’s the use, so many morons, addlepates, blockheads, dolts, dumbbells, boobs and mental defectives and so little time.

Last week, Pelosi called McCarthy “a moron” for criticizing the reinstitution of a mask mandate in the House of Representatives to stem the spread of the delta variant and for claiming that the mandate was “not based on science.” Last I checked, a moron is defined as a stupid person and using any yardstick, McCarthy qualifies.

Moving on to the good senator from the Palmetto State of South Carolina. I don’t wish Graham anything ill but the forever lover of trump has been diagnosed with a breakthrough coronavirus infection, the same type of variant that Dr. Anthony Fauci has been warning about, the same Dr. Fauci who Graham has never missed an opportunity to ridicule, the same Graham who has decried mandatory masks and by the way Graham refused to take a COVID-19 test before a 2020 debate against his primary opponent because Graham said he had a doctor’s note clearing him of the virus and that note is in the same place as trump’s tax returns, nowhere.

Ron Johnson, oh Ronnie, you win the addlepate monker for claiming that the FBI knew more about the planning before the Jan. 6 Capitol riot than has previously been revealed. I’m holding my breath for the proof and I am turning a lovely shade of purple. And Ron knows the facts because Tucker Carlson said it and Carlson knows it because Ronnie said it. Facts be damned, we are talking about a grave matter of politics.

Charlie Kirk, now there’s a blockhead of the first degree. Kirk, a close confidant and bootlicker of trump, has been rallying his automaton right wing minion, pro-trump youth group, Turning Point USA, to get out there and convince students to fight any mandates for “experimental” vaccines or mask wearing. Hey Charlie, you should speak with Lindsay Graham about the experimental vaccines.

That brings us to the multi-headed basilisk of Gosar, Gaetz, Taylor-Greene, Gohmert, Good and Biggs (GGTGGGB )who were just red with anger after they were not permitted to visit the “political prisoners” being held at a D.C. jail for charges related to the Jan. 6 insurrection. Gosar said these fine Americans were being “persecuted” while the group of lawmakers want to stop any investigation into the riot and they also voted against honoring police officers who responded to the riot.

Greg Locke, a man of the cloth, representative of God and all around evangelical mucky muck said anyone found wearing a mask will be summarily tossed out of his Global Vision Bible Church near Nashville. Locke, who divorced his wife and married the young clerk with whom he was messing around with, preaches the gospel truth that the whole pandemic is a hoax and especially the made-up delta variant. Did I mention that he really likes trump.

Listen up, pastor of the fake church, Tennesssee is doing really lousy in getting the volunteers to get vaccinated. Only about 44 percent of Tennesseans have received at least one dose of the vaccine and the state reported that 98 percent of people who died of COVID and 97 percent of COVID hospitalizations are among the unvaccinated. Praise the lord.

So there you go you embarrassing lot of ill-informed, maladjusted, hurtful, conspiracy-laden, self-centered, destructive looneys. You will most certainly have lots of company real soon and in fact, as long as there is a trump and a QAnon and people like Taylor-Greene, I guarantee it.

Will the real morons, please, stand, up.

Phil Garber
Phil Garber

Written by Phil Garber

Journalist for 40 years and now a creative writer

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